Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It's been a while.... Again!

Yep, it's been quite a while again....  I just can't seem to get into it like I used to.  I'd like to say it's from the lack of excitement in my life.  I've turned into a rather boring person.

Last night my excitement consisted of pulling out half of the carpet and padding from the spare bedroom.  It's time.  I had gotten one of the dogs not long after I moved into this house and she decided that's where she'd pee in the house.  GROSS!  Needless to say it stunk to high hell when I pulled it out last night.  Absolutely disgusting!  I still cannot understand how dogs, at 2 and 3 years old, still have "accidents" in the house?!  Should they not be house broken? I can leave them alone in the house for 12 hours without a single accident but overnight or if I don't let them out in time!?  WHAT THE HELL!?

This sounds morbid but I think about death often lately.  Not about ME dying but people in general.  Life in general.  My co-worker with Leukemia has been in and out of the hospital and his GVH is back again.  AGAIN!!!  Ugh.  He used to be so healthy and full of life and to see and hear him is heartbreaking.  It's almost been a year since his stem cell transplant.  He had almost died once after a heart attack during surgery.  He has the Dr's completely baffled because in all honesty, he should be dead.  He's a walking miracle at 40 years old.

My Uncle, who was once strong as an ox, developed Scleroderma.  Normally this disease attacks your skin and hardens it to the consistency of wood.  Lucky guy that he is, developed Internal Scleroderma which is almost worst because it not only attacks your skin but your internal organs as well.  He's gone through a year of treatment at University of Michigan and will have to continue to go once every two months (if I remember right) for the next 3 years I think.  Because there is no known cure for it, he applied and was accepted into a trial where they could either do a stem cell transplant with his own stem cells or high doses of a chemo drug, Cytoxin.  Because of some of the internal issues they opted for the Cytoxin.  He's doing better than he was a year ago.  He had gone from being 50 to 80 in a matter of a short few months.  He's now getting around much better but will probably never work again.

I often think about my dear classmate who died in an automobile accident when we were younger.  I attended his funeral on my 23rd birthday.

My cousin who took his own life almost a year ago.

My almost 88 year old Grandpa who lied about his age to enlist in the military and go to war.  Watching his health fail and his dementia kick into overtime.

My Grandma who I lost this past December.  She was a tough, extremely opinionated woman but she sure taught me a lot about life and people.  I visited her every summer as a child.  She might not have been overly loving towards her family but she certainly had an knack for helping those in need.  Her life revolved around volunteering at her local hospital in every aspect.

Or my Grandpa who passed away a few years ago from Meslothelioma from working with asbestos for year.....  and so many others that have touched my life.  

I was fortunate enough to tell both my Grandpa and my Grandma how much I loved them and what an impact they both had on my life.  I also thanked them for everything they ever did for me.  I had closure.

I'm not sure if this makes me morbid to think about these things and have them consume my thoughts sometimes...  I can tell you that it certainly makes me realize that our days are numbered and each one is a gift and not a guarantee or a right.

My parents hate when I talk to them about death.  Drives them crazy.  I try to explain to them that you just never know.  Some people aren't meant to grow old.  However, I have watched the turmoil unfold from both my Grandparents deaths.  My Grandpa had everything pretty much documented & taken care of although there were issues with other things.  My Grandma on the other hand had developed dementia as well and had changed her mind about things and her kids were left with trying to figure things out.  I told my parents that *I* need to know what they want done should something happen to them so I'm respecting their wishes.  I have told them both as well as friends what I want done with myself.  Our AFLAC rep was just here last week and I took out more life insurance as well as another policy so that they don't have to worry about me should something ever happen.

Maybe it's because I'm from a small town and I am exposed to death more than the average person.  After all, in a small town everyone knows everyone and I've always worked with the public.  Chances are if I'm not related to them I've waited on them at some point.  I guess I just want to be prepared.  I want to have Bug taken care of and my parents not to worry about my funeral or finances etc.  I guess you can say it's either morbid or being well prepared.

Enough of that topic.  I ripped out most of the floor in the spare bedroom last night after work. I have to hurry and get the new floor laid as I'm having a Pampered Chef party on Friday.  I work best under pressure!!! :)

I'm putting a white fence around my front yard.  Mostly for the dogs but also for some privacy.  I don't live on a main road but my road is quite busy.  This will hopefully prevent people from staring in my window and I can run around naked again in my own house.  Ok not really but I used to be able to in the old house.  It was great.  This is what I'm hoping as my finished product.

I've been working on updating the family tree again.  It goes back to 1210 in England and has 547 people on it!!!  Talk about time consuming!!! I just hope that one day someone will appreciate it as much as I did!  I brought it out to the family reunion last year and people were in awe of it.   A couple of older ladies in the family had written away to have one "calculated" (for lack of a better word) for them.  It came back with a lot of information so I figured I'd update it from there.  What a task!!!  Wow!  I've also found more information to go with the people they had found.  Quite interesting what you can find out.  I know who my link is to the American Revolution should I ever want to apply to become a member of the Daughter's of the American Revolution.  Pretty neat if you're into that kind of stuff.

Less than 2 months until Bug leaves me for the summer.  I hate to let her go but I know that I have to.  Hopefully I'll have enough summer projects to keep me from becoming a raging bitch this summer while she's gone.  I do good for a bit and then lose it for the last 2-3 weeks.   Hey, at least I can warn people ahead of time that it will happen!

Alright I think thats enough for now!  Later my bitches!