Ugh, what a month its been! Busy busy busy. Drama, drama, drama. Honestly one person can only do so much.
So this is the latest & greatest news I have-- I'm an Auntie again!!!! He's the cutest damn thing you've ever seen!
One of my very good friends was deployed. Well he's in MS for training right now. They'll be home at the end of the week for a few days before heading back to MS and then will shortly after deploy to Afghanistan. Yuck. I will miss him dearly. But that's a post for another time.
I got a new tattoo. Did I post on that yet? I can't remember it's been so long.
Got my Christmas tree up. Nothing about my family is traditional so why should anything else be? I thought we'd try something different this year.
So the tree is up, the presents are all (almost) bought. I have no idea what to get George. What do you get a guy that has everything!?
I guess that's all I really have for now. Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra here! I need to do something to warm up! Ugh.
I'm not dead. Just had WAY too much fucking shit going on recently. To take out my aggression I ripped out all the carpet in the living room, hallway and tonight, the kitchen. I (with some help) have had the wood laminate installed in the living room & hallway so now only the kitchen is left. Debating on how I'm going to handle this. In a nutshell, George has told me he's done. Just done. BUT he wants to help me finish the floor.... WTF?! FUCK YOU. "We can be friends". Uh no, WE cannot be friends at this point in time. *I* cannot be his friend. I cannot see him out and be "ok". He never stays single long and I guarantee if he's not already "talking" to someone or has someone in mind he will w/in a month. That's the way he operates. I told him to find some 21 year old that likes to party all the time bc that's what his life is turning into. I hope he knocks her up too. (Ok I take that back- THAT would seriously kill me. THrow me right into a tailspin... that would not be good.) Anyway, fuck that. Fuck him. Fuck it all. So in the meantime I shall rip things up in my house. It keeps me occupied I guess. Although I'm running out of things to do.... I chopped my hair off during a crisis a few months back so I don't want to go any shorter there.... So... HELP!!!
Do you dream, that the world will know your name So tell me your name And do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside, said I wanna feel I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive Just to know I'm alive
I wanna live, just to see the day when we all get along I wanna scream, scream my song out loud for everyone to hear
Do you believe, in the day that you were born Tell me do you believe? And do you know, that every day's the first of the rest of your life
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
And you know the pain, that brought you here today So what can you do And you know the tears, for losing those you love when yesterday is gone So please remember not to waste another day, not to worry your mind And please forgive me for taking so much time to get back on my feet
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
And I'll fight it out 'cause I know I can And I'll sleep tight 'cause I know you're here, no, no I won't surrender
This is to one last day in the shadows And to know a brother's love This is to New York City angels And the rivers of our blood This is to all of us, This is to all of us
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon (x2)
Don't tell me if I'm dying Don't tell me if I'm dying Don't tell 'cause I'm dying
This song REALLY hit me today. I blogged a while back about a friend of mine that is very sick w/ Leukemia. I'm happy to say that as of early last week he is 100% cancer free and the transplant was a success!!! Now on to the bad news... he's had every single ailement he could possibly have. He's had every "thing" that could possibly go wrong-- actually GO wrong. He has had a blood disease that only 1 in 8 MILLION people get. Yep, he was one of the lucky ones. He also has Graft vs Host disease. He has had blood clots, stomach problems, the list goes on. He can't keep any food in. He's on a ton of morophine as well as opiates for the pain. Half of the time he doesn't even know if his wife is there or not. She had chosen to come home for a few days on Sunday night. He found out about the Leukemia in early April and they left for the hospital which is 8 hours away in May. They have 2 children that have been living w/ relatives during this time. He was supposed to come home mid-September but that obviously didn't happen. He's far too sick. He's about 6'1 or 6'2 and is now down to 160 or so pounds. VERY thin for a man his height. He's always been a thin person but I cannot imagine physically seeing him right now. Not long ago his eyes were swollen shut, he's lost all of his hair. When he's done with all of this and well again he has to go through all of the immunizations just like a newborn baby because he will have zero immune system. Isn't that crazy? I dont know how many blood transfusions he has had in the past 5 months. It's just absolutely crazy.
Anyway sorry for the tangent. His wife came home on Monday to see the kids etc and got a call last night. He was full of infection so they'd pumped him full of antibiotics and had to put him on a respirator to help him breathe. I cannot fathom what they are going through. His wife and sister left last night and his brother (who happened to be a PERFECT bone marrow match which is almost unheard of for a sibling to match like that. The Dr said it was almost like they were twins!!!) and wife left either last night or today as well. I feel so bad. I can't explain the feeling I have. When I heard the word "respirator" today, my heart sunk into my stomach and I literally felt so sick. Respirator is never a good thing. However I guess he does know that his family is there so that's a really good sign. I just hope and pray to God that he makes it through this. We need him. His family needs him. He's only 37 years old. FAR too young to be so sick. THat family has had such bad luck with things in their lives. Their children have been so sick. When he called me to tell me that hsi brother was a perfect match- he was crying so hard. He was so overjoyed.... And now this. We knew the road would be long and hard but I don't think I was prepared for just how sick he would get. How close to the brink of death he would be...
It's times like this that make you sit and and realize that YOUR problems could be so much bigger than they really are!!!
So today while I was at work listenting to my Sirius over the net, this song came on and I immediately thought of him. Listen to the words of the song and tell me what you think... It really makes me think about all the things I take for granted on a daily basis.... Very sad.
Ok... now on to some fun stuff, bc I'm far too depressed now.
What's the last pill that you took? My anti-baby pill
You're currently listening to Thriving Ivory- Angels on the Moon
What are you feeling right now? They keys underneath my fingers as I type.
Are you happy with your life right now? Now that I'm thinking about it-- yes I should be.
When was the last time you smiled? Remembering when said friend above and I had permanent marker fights at work.
First person you talked to today? Bug
What are you NOT looking forward to? Work tomorrow.
Are you a forgiving person? I need to learn to NOT be so fucking forgiving.
Do Italian/French/Spanish accents turn you on? Oh Italian for sure. Bug's dad spoke 5 languages and Italian BY FAR was my favorite. SEXY!!!
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No way but I do hate the girl that called me at WORK yesterday to discuss her psychotic boyfriend!!!! I mean AT WORK!? Do people not know I have a HOME phone? Fucking bitch.
Has anyone ever sang to you? Actually sang "to" me? Twice and both times it was so completely gay I did all I could not to laugh and tell them how ridiculous they sounded bc they sucked. I didn't have the heart to tell them.
Who is the first girl you'd go to if you were mad? Last night it was Vix and THANKS BABE!!! You rock!
Why is your relationship status the way it is? Because he thinks my tractor's sexy... it really turns him on
Who do you dislike currently? That dumb bitch that called me at work yesterday and just about everyone that's involved in her life.
Where do you plan on living when you grow up?: Oh I'm NEVER growing up. Toys 'R Us said I didn't have to. I keep my membership w/ them current.
Ever been in a perfect relationship? Perfection is boring, if I'm in perfect relationship that means I have virtually nothing to look forward to.
Do people hate you? Ya I'm pretty sure they do but I sleep well at night so I'm ok with it. Those to matter dont' mind and those who mind don't matter.
Have you ever felt replaced? Of course. All the time. However I know that *I* can never really be replaced or duplicated :)
Do you say sorry first? Depends what I did and how bad it was...
Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say? Which ex? The one I've been dealing with recently-- I'd tell him the cops are on their way and secretly hope I can get away from him before he kills me.
If you were to die today would your life be complete? No, because I wouldn't live to see my child grow up or meet my grandchildren.
Do you think you're approachable? Most of the time. Unless I give you my "fuck you" look. Then it's normally not a good time. :)
Do you get offended easily? Ya I get offended about 1% of the time.
If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you? Oh I sure as fuck would right this very minute. Although I know how lonely it is when you move somewhere new and you virtually know no one.
Do you keep any secrets from your best friend? Depends which best friend. There's one that I tell absolutely everything to, well maybe 2 but then I have other best friends that I have learned I can only tell certain things to for different reasons.
Do you miss anyone? Sure.
Do you have alcohol hidden in your room? Ummmm.... what am I? 12?
Have you ever been paint balling? Nope but I've been lazer tagging and was going to go cow tipping once!
What do your friends call you? Whatever they want.
Has anyone upset you in the last week? Oh if you only knew! Lets just say you're *really* lucky I didn't go off on that tangent. There isn't enough web space!
Who was the last person you ate with? Bug
How many pictures do you have saved on your computer? A lot. Thousands.
Anyone you want to forget? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did it once I can do it again!
Who do you feel most comfortable talking to? I feel most comfortable blogging which is why my rants are usually wrong and jump from subject to subject.
Do you plan on moving in the next year or two? I dont' *plan* on moving but life is unpredictable.
Do you wake up cranky? Almost every day. I am NOT a morning person-- at all. Bug knows this but yes feels that she has to wake me up before 8am on the WEEKENDS to ask me something completely DUMB.
Do you hate when people smoke around you? I am actually a smoking hypocrite and I admit it. I normally don't smoke unless I'm in a social setting or have a beer in my hand. I HATE the smell of it and the way I feel and my clothes etc. I have to take a shower after the bar and the bars around here are HORRIBLE!
Do you look more like your mom or dad? Mom
Are you taller then your mom? Believe it or not I am about 2 in taller! :)
How tall are you? *almost* 5'2". My Grandma was about 4'10"
Have you ever broken your arm? Can't say that I have. Thank God.
Do you trust anyone? Very very few.
Are you good at hiding your feelings? Ugh... That's tough. I'm getting better at becoming a cold hearted bitch but when I explode-- watch the fuck out.
Do you wave when you see people you know? I try but I dont pay attention when I drive bc I do too much thinking.
Do you think your wasting your time on the person you like? Hmmmmm... I'll figure it out sooner or later
How many people have you kissed in 2008? 1
Can you fill this out without lying? You'll never know.
Is there anything you want to tell somebody? Oh hell yes! And I did just that this weekend! Go me! Dumb bitch.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a T? I'm sure I have. I'm like that.
Name some people that made you laugh yesterday? The re-telling the story of my weekend to my Aunt. I guess I was more laughing at the expense of others rather than something that was actually "ha ha" funny. After all, isn't making fun of others what it's all about anyway!?
How late did you stay up last night and why? I freaking fell asleep during my show and then woke up at 130am and couldn't fall back alseep.
If you could move somewhere else, would you? I really miss Chicago but I always liked N&SC.
Which of your friends lives closest to you? Oscare the Grouch but Beaker and the Swedish Chef are just around the corner.
Do you believe ex's can be friends? Depends on the ex and whether I dislike them or not.
Where is your biological father right now? Sperm donor is dead.
Who was the last person you took a picture with? George... I think.
Was yesterday better than today? Hmmm.. In a way I guess so but my week so far as been actually uneventful.
What are you listening to? Bug yelling at the dogs and the dogs wrestling. Oh wait, now Bug's singing.
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? With the right person they can be.
Last time you spent the night at someone's house? Couldn't tell you but had a nooner at someone else's recently.
When was the last time you were sad? Pfffffffffft.... Now I'm just bitchy. :)
What are you wearing? A purple leotard, zebra print leg warmers and a neon green tutu
Where do you wish you were right now? A tropical island w/ my own personal cabana boy
Is anything bothering you right now? If so, what is it? Dumb stupid cunts. I HATE dumb people. Douchbags.
Night out or night in? Depends who it's with and what the plan is
What items could you not go without during the day? My car, it'd be one LONG ass walk to work and lets face it-- I'm just *that* lazy. I'd rather call in sick.
How do you feel about your life right now? Every day above the ground is a good day right? And I don't live in a cardboard box.. starting to get cold here so that'd really suck.
Do you hate anyone and why? Dumb people for obvious reasons, bad drivers bc I have road rage, same reason for slow drivers, people that have no idea what they're talking about, one of my co-workers bc of all the reasons I've listed and she looks like a total dyke. Not that I have anything against dykes but.. well you have to know this she-man. Annoying as fuck! Oh, liers, cheaters, the guy that orders frozen pizza's at the local grocery store bc the fucker hasn't restocked my favorite margherita pizza in forever. *SNOW* Ok, I hate Mother Nature bc the bitch is just f'n mean.
Why are you not going for the person you want? Who said I'm not?
Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yep, although I could never be a full fledged lesbian.
Are you looking forward to something as of right now? My new Richard Simmon's Sweatin to the Oldies to arrive! I will so be looking like Oliva Newton John in Maneater soon!
At the moment, are you more warm or cold? I'm just fine.
Do you have a boyfriend? Last time I checked but that could change at any minute.
When was the last time you saw snow? Spring and I'm sure I'll see the shit again soon. Damn I need to add that to my list above!
Do you smile often? I try. One day I may lose all my teeth and then I won't smile anymore. Unless someone gives me chicklets. White ones.
What does your most recent text say? Who is it from? I'm so not looking but I think it was from Vixen.
Do you prefer an ocean or pool? Pools are nice but if I'm at the ocean then I KNOW this bitch is on vacation and my cabana boy is just around the corner!!!
How long is your hair? I'm too lazy to measure at the moment.
Fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice- shame on me.
When will I learn? I dont have the answer to my own question. I have a horrible, horrible time trusting people bc of a "friend" that fucked me over years ago. I walked her out of my life after being best friends with her for over 20 years. She resurfaced on Saturday night, groveling at my feet asking questions about the guy that she left her husband for , knowing I had dated him a few years back. There are some nice choice words on MS today for me to see, which I did. Dumbass for looking. So yes, I have trust issues bc of this dumb bitch. However, WHY is it that I give people the benefit of the doubt all the time? When is enough? When will I learn? It's like the owl that licked the lollipop-- the world may never know. I think I need to grow a set of bigger balls and just let everyone fuck up their own lives instead of trying to "help". Then again the pure enjoyment of watching the bitch grovel at my feet was pleasure enough for me.
Moving on....
It's been a busy week. House #1 is no longer mine. I closed on that puppy last Monday. 1 down and 1 to go! Now I just need to finish up with this one and get it all into my name and I can start tearing this puppy apart! Of course it'll have to happen little by little as I can't shit money. Still, the pure satisfaction that it will be mine soon will be enough. She was nice enough to give me a land contract on it so I have changed some things but mostly only painted. I dont dare "really" get the ball rolling and do things I'm not supposed to do until it's all finalized in black & white.
Bug turned 8!!!! It's amazing how fast they grow up. It's like yesterday that I had taken her home from the hospital. I've always explained to anyone that is expecting- you will NEVER know the meaning of true unconditional love until you have a child.
WTF is up w/ PETA wanting to use BREAST MILK for Ben & Jerry's ice cream!? Are you fucking kidding me!? Gross. Granted I am a mom so of course I tasted the shit that leaked out of my boobs while breast feeding but honestly? BREAST MILK ICE CREAM!? Gross!!!!!! And just how does PETA think they will accomplish this task? Surely there would be idiots that would be willing to be hooked up to a milker for this but ewww. EWWWW EWWWW EWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Just the thought of eating ice cream made with some strange ladies boob milk makes me want to hurl. Who the fuck things of this shit???
The leaves are starting to change here and they are gorgeous. Last year it was nothing but a bunch of yellow but this year we've had enough rain that the colors are *so* vivid. Lots of oranges and reds. We even saw one the other day that was almost a purple-red. Beautiful! As much as I'm against exercise, I feel a hike coming on.
Saturday night (minus all the drama), George and I attended a 40th bday party for a friend of ours. It was a good time. We made it through the night w/o arguing once! Truely something to be proud of! (Esp lately!!!) We got home, had kick ass matress tango and slept till noon. Great night! I do believe that I was still drunk when I woke up at noon and ordered breakfast. Ya, it was a good one. :)
My Grandpa's ex gf finally passed away Friday night. I think I blogged about her before. She was sick for months, in and out of the hospital and was finally diagnosed w/ leukemia. Very sad and she went downhill fairly quickly. My Grandpa was with her for at least 15+ years before they broke it off for good. Still, he visited her every day in the long term care unit at the hospital. Poor guy. His best friend also passed away about a week ago. It must be hell to get old. Especially when you start outliving all your friends etc. I cannot imagine. Nor do I really want to for that matter.
I hung Halloween shit up tonight. Bug was driving me nuts so we finally did it. I bought a cool looking spider web thing from WalMart. It has orange lights and 2 orange spiders. Looks pretty damn cool if I do say so myself. I should've taken a picture when I was outside a bit ago (the ambulance went by my house so I was being the nosy neighbor trying to figure out whose house they were at) but I didn't bring my camera. Maybe tomorrow. Although I guess I should remove the big pile of SHIT my dog left on my front porch. Little bastard. I hate dogs.
I really like the new Christina song. Especially the part about being a "super bitch". Maybe that's what I should be for Halloween? Super Bitch! Oh that could be fun!!! Still undecided about Halloween.... What to do, what to do? We're supposed to do the German thing but now I'm rethinking the whole thing... Idk.
I need a new car. Mine is a peice of shit.
I need new clothes too. Mine are old and they shrunk.
And a laptop too. It'd be so much easier to blog so I didn't have to sit in here and I could sit my ass on the couch and watch my tv shows at the same time.
I'm thinking black & white w/ green accents for this room.... My mind is just constantly thinking about how to transform this house that's stuck somewhere between 1960-1985.
I hate winter.
Alright I guess its time for me to go. Breast milk, winter, leaves, Bug's bday, houses, matress tango-- I think I've covered it all. If I go on any further it'll just be (more) sensless babbeling.
