Happiness

On my way to work today, the sky was starting to lighten, you could start to see the blue of the sky but far off in the distance there were big puffy white clouds on top of the mountains. I thought about what a nice picture that would be. I take a lot of pictures but until today I never thought about "why". I take them because normally, at that point in time, I find happiness in whatever I'm seeing through the screen on the camera. Something that I would like to see again later.

Just a simple thought...

Hello Friends

Or lack there of!

I remember a time when I had people that actually read my blog. Maybe thats what kept me writing? Maybe not. Maybe I just had more to write about back then. Have I become boring????

Seasons are changing here. It's amazing how the leaves have turned in such a short time. It might be a good weekend for a drive to the tip of the peninsula. Gorgeous colors surrounded by the blue of the water. Perfect!

Bug's birthday is Friday. We were supposed to be out of town for a friends wedding but due to unforseen circumstances, that's not happening now. We'll have to come up with something fun to do instead. Of course I have to make cupcakes for school Friday!

I need to start working out. I want Audrina Patridge's body. Perfection! Either that or take the easy way out & meet me a good plastic surgeon!!!

Debating on Halloween costumes. I'm really not into it this year. Not like I normally am. Idk what it is.

Had a blind date set up. He pretty much ditched me. I sent a rather... to the point email afterwards. I should have let it go but you dont email someone at the time they're supposed to be getting out of work on the day you're supposed to meet them, to tell them you can't make it. I'm guessing there's a bit more to the story. He's very newly divorced so I'm thinking that has a lot to do with it. I've apologized but apparently that wasn't good enough. Maybe he's a dick & that's why he's divorced? Who the hell knows? Some day I'll find Prince Charming. Until then I'll just keep kissing frogs.

Later bitches!

Camping, beer & douchbags

Went with the girls last night, pulled my neighbors camper out to another neighbors lakefront property to spend the night. We had stopped at a local bar on our way and had a few beers. Finally got out to the property and had a few with the girls there. An altercation broke out between the neighbors & I suggested to one we take a ride, which we did.

Ended up back in town at a different bar, had a few beers, rolled the dice & won a 6 pack! I *never* win anything! While in this bar 3 guys from out of town came in and I up a conversation with one. Super nice guy, said he's divorced with 2 boys. I gave him my number and away they went. They were headed to a different bar to see their friends that were playing in a band.

We headed back out to the lake and things had calmed down out there. Good times. The guys ended up calling so I met them at a bar and brought them back to the lake for a bit. He asked to see me again before he left & kissed me. Called at 430am when he got home... (lives about an hour, hour & a half away).

Today my phone rings.... "Hi Lolita, this is Katie, Josh's girlfriend, please call me back".

Ugh. WHY ME!?

She called three times. I finally text'd her and explained things and she called me back. I explained to hear what happened. Idk who to believe. Needless to say I haven't heard from him today... stupid asshole men! WHY can I NEVER meet a nice guy?! All I can think is that I'm just destined for someone better to eventually come along.

I have always said, I can attract any asshole, douchebag, cheater, or psycho within a 100 mile radius. Last night proved I still apparently have the gift.

Losers.

Weekend Update

Nothing new to report really. Had a nice weekend with some friends. Went on the neighbors boat on Friday night after work for a bit. Just out into the bay. Saturday we spent pretty much all day out there and took a trip up to the canal. There are some *gorgeous* homes along the canal. I'm very fortunate to be able to live here. Maybe not so much in the winter but definitely in the summer. Although I guess instead of elsewhere in the states, all we have to worry about are snow & blizzards. Because of the lake I have never seen a tornado here, maybe a small one out in the woods away from the lake but no tornado's, hurricanes etc.

I remember when I lived away from here and would come back to visit, how it awe I was with the lake. It truly is breathtaking.

Talked to Bug tonight. She's still having fun and not ready to come home. 3 weeks & 1 day down and 4 weeks and 6 days to go... not that I'm counting or anything.... I just seem very lost this year without her.

Next weekend is girls weekend with some friends on the property they have on the lake. Should be fun. My neighbor has a camper that she's going to pull out there so we don't have to sleep in tents. Damn mosquito's would eat me alive! Should be a good time. Next Monday is my birthday although I have no plans. A few girls & I bought tickets to see Brett Michaels & Vince Niel in concert so we'll do that later in the week. That should be interesting! I haven't been back to the town the concert is in in many years. One of the girls & I used to live there after we graduated high school and I was based there after that with the airline I used to work for. I'm sure it'll bring back some memories for sure! We'll have a great time. Now I need to find something cute to wear & grab my cowgirl hat!

I'll leave you with some pics from the weekend...

I am....

I am Strong because I am weak. I am Beautiful because I know my flaws. I am a Lover because I'm a fighter. I am fearless because I have been afraid. I am Wise becasue I have been foolish. And I can laugh because I have known sadness

I came across this on FB yesterday.  How fitting.  It states exactly how *I* feel.  How I'm sure many of us feels.  Sometimes, many times, I think we underestimate ourselves.

I am the type of person that really tries not to judge.  We all have flaws.  We all have a past.  Of course in some circumstances it's really hard not to and no matter how hard we try- we do judge others upon their actions, looks etc.  Like the old saying goes "Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones".

It drives me *insane* to be judged by someone that has made the same mistakes as I have, yet they feel they're superior.  Perfect even.  Do they forget about their past?  Do they forget about the things they have done that has made them into who they are today?  I think people often times forget this.  I find it funny that they know that I have not judged them for their past, for their faults, yet they feel it's ok to judge me and make me into this horrible person.  Why do people feel that's ok?  Its NOT ok.  Not at all.

I have one said friend/relative that's always been like my sister that I have rarely stood up to.  I am being judged, punished even, for something that I did a year ago.  Something that I deeply regretted.  It severed our friendship in a major way.  Things were just getting back to normal and now BAM!  Here we go again.  Because of this one mistake that I made, I'm made out to be this horrible person that I know I'm not.  Yes, I screwed up, I admit that.  But so has she.  In my eyes- even more so than this little mistake that I made a year ago.  I've written an email to her explaining that  I realize that once again, my incident is coming between us.  She hasn't talked to me in a couple weeks now because of something really stupid.  I mean REALLY stupid.  Stupid to the point that had this happened 2 years ago she wouldn't have thought anything of it but now because of the "incident"  I'm the worst person in the world and I have hurt her so deeply... Whatever.  I've always sat in the shadows.   I have always let her walk all over me.  Always been her door mat.  Since we were little kids.  She knows me better than anyone else and she knows that what she's accusing me of is asinine.  Yet she's always right and too proud to admit she's sorry. I think I've gotten one apology out of her in my entire life.  She's too proud.  Does nothing wrong.  Perfect.  Her husband is the most arrogant person I know and has basically turned her into a Stepford Wife.  It's almost like she has no mind of her own anymore.  What he says goes.  Of course it doesn't help that they consider themselves "functioning alcoholics".

Anyway, the point is that I have this very long email that I've written to her outlining all the times she's hurt me.  All the things she's done to me over the years.  All the things SHE has done and yet she's judging me for basically the very same thing she has done.  How is that fair?  I have never stood up to her.  I've always backed down and walked away. In her eyes right now I'm "dead to her".  Her very words.  Seeing as I'm "dead to her", why shouldn't I send the email?  Why should I let her pound me down one more time without standing up for myself?  Would I be the bigger person just walking away from it- sure I would.  BUT I think given the circumstances, it's about time that *I* stand up for myself and remind her of all the things that she has done.   All the "wrongs" she has done in/to her life.  All the times she's belittled me for the very same things she's done.  I honestly think it's time I stood up for myself.  This is an issue that's been weighing heavily on my mind since it happened a couple weeks ago.  Doesn't help that we work together as well.  I did close the email by saying that I hope she has a long, happy, healthy life & things in her marriage work themselves out.  That I will continue to have a working relationship with her but nothing more.  

I guess all I can do is take my chance on sending it.  She has the choice to read it or not.  I'm sure that nothing will get accomplished from it other than her hating me even more but at least I will have said my peace.  Something that I have never done with her.  I've always taken her shit & never dealt any back.  I think it's time that I stand up for myself for once.  She has to understand that HER actions hurt people as well.  The world does not revolve around her and her "fantastic" (rolling eyes) husband.  In reality he's the most arrogant person I've ever met.  Selfish, arrogant, self absorbed person.

So on that note, I'm sure I'll be here venting about the outcome of my email & all the repercussions that will come because of it.  Stay tuned....

I want to ride the Amtrak across the country... I think it'd be fun.

Boring

Wow. I haven't been here since late April and come to find out the blogs that I was following are "gone". As in not on my list any longer. Oh well.

Bug's gone. Been gone for almost 3 weeks now. 3 down & 5 to go I guess. 8 weeks is a really long time when you're used to having someone with you at all times! We did do a bit of "lets hop in the car and just go" before she left which was really nice & fun. I love doing that. Not having any plans- just go. It'd really be much easier if I didn't have the animals but I do so I have to have them taken care of before we can take off anywhere. The cat is easy, leave out a few days worth of food- golden. The dogs- not so much.

We hit a neat little island about 4 hours from our house. I hadn't been there since I was 6 so that was quite a while ago. She thought it was going to be really boring but she actually had a great time. There are no cars on the island at all. Horses and bikes are the only way to get around. It's 8 miles around the island. We'd started biking it but it was getting too late and cold so we made it almost 2 miles each way. Between biking & all the walking we did, we got quite a bit of exercise in!

Before Bug left we had to travel across state for my Grandma's memorial service. Of course we had to turn that into an adventure as well, stopping here & there. It was a good time.

Now she's gone & I'm bored. I don't have George to keep me occupied like I did the previous 2 summers. I painted the front of the house. The house is red but it had a greyish lavendar color on the front which I've hated since I bought the house. I opted to paint it a golden yellow color. It's a bit more yellow & not enough gold than I wanted but it sure did brighten up the place! We also put up a nice little picket fence. I have one coat of white stain on that & one to go! The mud room is the next project to tackle bc it's just.... well... fugly and outdated. I should have done that today instead of sitting on my ass while it rained.

Why is it always nice during the day and then rain shortly after I get off of work!? WTH!? I can't complain about the weather though it's been beautiful! Sunny, warm (hot) and just a wonderful summer!

Some pics of what I've been up to because well... I really have nothing left to say. I told you, I've become boring! No love life, typical drama w/ the friends but as I said at the beginning of the year, I'm all done being a door mat. This last little episode confirmed that! Sadly its taken me almost 33 years to realize that's all I am. Oh fucking well. Good bye & have a nice life.

View of the big bridge

Our ferry to the island.
Driving over the big bridge!
Butterflies at one of the island's butterfly houses.

View from the Fort
One of the beautiful Great Lakes!
Arch Rock
Entrance to the Grand Hotel
One of 2 ways to get around the island

My new baby :) I realize it's sad that I'm excited about this but it's nice not to have to borrow one EVER AGAIN!!!! Now she needs a name!
The dome of the capital
Capital building
Bug's driveway chalk drawings... not too bad for 9 huh!?

Gorgeous sunset on the 4th

Happy Birthday America!

Later my bitches!

It's been a while.... Again!

Yep, it's been quite a while again....  I just can't seem to get into it like I used to.  I'd like to say it's from the lack of excitement in my life.  I've turned into a rather boring person.

Last night my excitement consisted of pulling out half of the carpet and padding from the spare bedroom.  It's time.  I had gotten one of the dogs not long after I moved into this house and she decided that's where she'd pee in the house.  GROSS!  Needless to say it stunk to high hell when I pulled it out last night.  Absolutely disgusting!  I still cannot understand how dogs, at 2 and 3 years old, still have "accidents" in the house?!  Should they not be house broken? I can leave them alone in the house for 12 hours without a single accident but overnight or if I don't let them out in time!?  WHAT THE HELL!?

This sounds morbid but I think about death often lately.  Not about ME dying but people in general.  Life in general.  My co-worker with Leukemia has been in and out of the hospital and his GVH is back again.  AGAIN!!!  Ugh.  He used to be so healthy and full of life and to see and hear him is heartbreaking.  It's almost been a year since his stem cell transplant.  He had almost died once after a heart attack during surgery.  He has the Dr's completely baffled because in all honesty, he should be dead.  He's a walking miracle at 40 years old.

My Uncle, who was once strong as an ox, developed Scleroderma.  Normally this disease attacks your skin and hardens it to the consistency of wood.  Lucky guy that he is, developed Internal Scleroderma which is almost worst because it not only attacks your skin but your internal organs as well.  He's gone through a year of treatment at University of Michigan and will have to continue to go once every two months (if I remember right) for the next 3 years I think.  Because there is no known cure for it, he applied and was accepted into a trial where they could either do a stem cell transplant with his own stem cells or high doses of a chemo drug, Cytoxin.  Because of some of the internal issues they opted for the Cytoxin.  He's doing better than he was a year ago.  He had gone from being 50 to 80 in a matter of a short few months.  He's now getting around much better but will probably never work again.

I often think about my dear classmate who died in an automobile accident when we were younger.  I attended his funeral on my 23rd birthday.

My cousin who took his own life almost a year ago.

My almost 88 year old Grandpa who lied about his age to enlist in the military and go to war.  Watching his health fail and his dementia kick into overtime.

My Grandma who I lost this past December.  She was a tough, extremely opinionated woman but she sure taught me a lot about life and people.  I visited her every summer as a child.  She might not have been overly loving towards her family but she certainly had an knack for helping those in need.  Her life revolved around volunteering at her local hospital in every aspect.

Or my Grandpa who passed away a few years ago from Meslothelioma from working with asbestos for year.....  and so many others that have touched my life.  

I was fortunate enough to tell both my Grandpa and my Grandma how much I loved them and what an impact they both had on my life.  I also thanked them for everything they ever did for me.  I had closure.

I'm not sure if this makes me morbid to think about these things and have them consume my thoughts sometimes...  I can tell you that it certainly makes me realize that our days are numbered and each one is a gift and not a guarantee or a right.

My parents hate when I talk to them about death.  Drives them crazy.  I try to explain to them that you just never know.  Some people aren't meant to grow old.  However, I have watched the turmoil unfold from both my Grandparents deaths.  My Grandpa had everything pretty much documented & taken care of although there were issues with other things.  My Grandma on the other hand had developed dementia as well and had changed her mind about things and her kids were left with trying to figure things out.  I told my parents that *I* need to know what they want done should something happen to them so I'm respecting their wishes.  I have told them both as well as friends what I want done with myself.  Our AFLAC rep was just here last week and I took out more life insurance as well as another policy so that they don't have to worry about me should something ever happen.

Maybe it's because I'm from a small town and I am exposed to death more than the average person.  After all, in a small town everyone knows everyone and I've always worked with the public.  Chances are if I'm not related to them I've waited on them at some point.  I guess I just want to be prepared.  I want to have Bug taken care of and my parents not to worry about my funeral or finances etc.  I guess you can say it's either morbid or being well prepared.

Enough of that topic.  I ripped out most of the floor in the spare bedroom last night after work. I have to hurry and get the new floor laid as I'm having a Pampered Chef party on Friday.  I work best under pressure!!! :)

I'm putting a white fence around my front yard.  Mostly for the dogs but also for some privacy.  I don't live on a main road but my road is quite busy.  This will hopefully prevent people from staring in my window and I can run around naked again in my own house.  Ok not really but I used to be able to in the old house.  It was great.  This is what I'm hoping as my finished product.

http://plantwhateverbringsyoujoy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/arbor.jpg

I've been working on updating the family tree again.  It goes back to 1210 in England and has 547 people on it!!!  Talk about time consuming!!! I just hope that one day someone will appreciate it as much as I did!  I brought it out to the family reunion last year and people were in awe of it.   A couple of older ladies in the family had written away to have one "calculated" (for lack of a better word) for them.  It came back with a lot of information so I figured I'd update it from there.  What a task!!!  Wow!  I've also found more information to go with the people they had found.  Quite interesting what you can find out.  I know who my link is to the American Revolution should I ever want to apply to become a member of the Daughter's of the American Revolution.  Pretty neat if you're into that kind of stuff.

Less than 2 months until Bug leaves me for the summer.  I hate to let her go but I know that I have to.  Hopefully I'll have enough summer projects to keep me from becoming a raging bitch this summer while she's gone.  I do good for a bit and then lose it for the last 2-3 weeks.   Hey, at least I can warn people ahead of time that it will happen!

Alright I think thats enough for now!  Later my bitches!