Sunday, August 21, 2011


Today was my daughters first full day at home. Her best friend is here today and I cannot even begin to tell you how freaking wonderful it is to have lift in this house again!!! 10 weeks and 1 day was a very very long time for Bug to be gone but she has told me so many times how happy she is to be home. It's such a good feeling. She even told me that she missed me yelling at her! Hahaha!

We were sitting here earlier, well the girls were in the living room and I was cooking in the kitchen and they started watching "Titanic". This damn movie gets me every time. This & "The Notebook". Which got me thinking about a conversation with my mom the other day. She basically told me that I'm holding out for "Mr. Perfect" and I'm never going to find him. I guess I sort of am. I'm holding out for "Mr. Right", I don't believe in perfection other than maybe in a sunrise or sunset or a perfect photograph. People? In my mind, there is no such thing as perfect. Everyone has flaws. I just refuse to settle. I see so many people that have gotten married for all the wrong reasons or too young. People that get married bc they feel they have to. It's the "right" thing to do. Says who? Funny bc all those people that I went to school with that got married young, are now getting divorced. Hell, my own parents have a far from happy marriage.

With that being said, I'm really trying to understand why I attract the men that I attract. I attract the crazy, the married, and the emotionally unstable. If they are within a 100 mile radius- they will find me. It's a guarantee. I never get the ones that truly care. No I take that back, those are usually the married ones. If they were happy in their marriages there would be no me. Well, I'm not about to be the crutch so that they can go home and tolerate their home life. Nothing good comes of situations like that. Someone always gets hurt. I have witnessed this on at least two occasions this year. Happy people don't cheat. Sadly, I don't know of any marriages now days that one doesn't have a wandering eye. Some act on it and some don't. However, the two affairs that I have been on the sidelines watching over the past few years have ended disasterous. You can't have three people in a marriage. One is always going to get hurt. If not more.

I always wonder why I am attracted to the men I'm attracted to. Is it the challenge? Is it my fear of commitment? Is it a combimation of both? I really did like JB and to this day I don't totally understand what the hell happened but whatever. It did and so be it. Hopefully I'll have learned something from it. It was almost like an affair with the distance being the third party. Two people, 2500 miles apart that had so much in common and talked for hours each night on the phone. Plans to meet up, futuristic plans. Lots of talk. Lot of bullshit. He flipped a switch on me and I realized he wanted a robot. A Stepford Wife. Soooo not me. So never going to be me. EVER.

In other news, Bug is home from her vacation at her dad's. Nice to have her here. I missed the little shit :) Actually she's such a good kid. I can't even pretend different. She had a great time with her dad and her brother. Came back so much more mature than when she left.... Soon she'll be graduating and going to college. *sigh*

Thursday, August 18, 2011


So I realized just now there's a mobile app for blogger.  Interesting... maybe I'll use it more & maybe I wont. I guess time will tell

Bug comes home on Saturday after 10 very long weeks id being with her dad. I cannot wait to see her!!!  Hard to believe that summer is almost over though. I really hate that because I love summer.  Hate winter!!!

Been really debating on what to do with my life lately. Work is starting to suck in major way. I used to look forward to going there and now I'm just over it.  Maybe Ill go to school? Idk. I wish I had more choices around here.....