Again, it's been *forever* since I've been on here. Maybe it's because I don't have anything to say. Maybe I have too much to say and am paranoid that people will find this blog.... Idk.
We've added to the family-
I'm seriously wondering if there is something wrong with me! Two dogs and three cats.. yes I might have an issue. I may slowly be becoming "cat lady". As long as I turn out like Michelle Pfeiffer's "Cat Woman", I think I'll be ok. Although I may look a bit funny roaming around town in a black leather get-up. Although I would be HOT. lol
AG is becoming a dad. Things aren't as they once were. They haven't been in almost a year. Yet, knowing that I found out from someone else other than him... Yeah..... I have many words for that. However, none of which I've really spoke of yet. He has YET to say anything to me himself. Who the fuck does that? Who the fuck says nothing directly to a person who was "like" their closest friend. I have learned that things are not always as they seem. Even with those you are closest with...
WHEN will I learn who my true friends are?
This is something I've pondered very long and hard this year. Especially since this summer. I have an idea of who my true friends are, yet like AG, who I "thought" was one of my best friends, things are not always as they seem. How do you determine who is a true friend? He had actually told another co-worker who my family has been close to instead of telling me. That says SOOOOOOO much. I have a ton of things that I'd like to say to him but why? Why give him the satisfaction? Why bother? He just walks on egg shells around me. He knows why I'm upset yet still hasn't addressed it. Seems stupid if you ask me. A simple "Hey I'm sorry I didn't tell you myself & you found out another way" would suffice. Or how about "Hey I'm sorry I'm a lying son of a bitch who you can't trust and has kept numerous things from you over the course of our 7 year friendship". How can people be such lying sacks of shit? Lies. Over and over and over. How can they continue to lie to you after you catch them in lies and they promise not to lie to you anymore?! I honestly don't know how people sleep at night. As soon as I see him I close up. My wall is up, my mouth is closed and any friendliness that I've felt towards people that day I literally feel being sucked back into my body and I become a very cold standoffish person. I'd like to punch him in the face and tell him to fuck off. I hope he has a daughter. I also hope he gains a conscience. Sometimes (more often than not) I wish I'd never met him. I find this sad as for many years I confided so much of my life into this person. We shared a lot. Thoughts, feelings, ambitions, goals... Lies. It was all one big mother fucking lie. Cock sucker.
So... many things have changed in my life. Primarily bc of AG and partly bc of another Fucktard in my life. Mostly because of lies that they have both told. They have both made me feel that I'm this horrible person. They had me questioning who I am. Questioning what I stand for. Qeustioning my actions. In the end, I know I'm a good person. I know that I'm the first one to offer a helping hand when needed. Offer the shirt off my back. Offer myself up to help with something even if I don't want to because I know it's important to that person. I started looking back. I started realizing who has been there for me and who hasn't. The list isn't quite as long as I'd thought. I always thought I had a small handfull of friends that I could rely on and trust and you know... I don't. I don't have those people. I have those people "sometimes". They have me all the time. I quit asking people to do things, I quit calling people...
Another realization- I'm single. (Duh) Single people don't get asked to do things nearly as often as couples. I have an interest in a co-worker that I took home in a drunken stupor after our Christmas party a few weekends ago and boy do the people come right out of the woodwork!!! Hey, we should get togehter & do something. All 4 (or 6) of us. Really? Fuck you people. I'm not good enough when I'm a "single" but now that I could potentially be part of a couple I'm good enough? Yeah, fuck you too. But whose the first one they call when they need to bitch about their SO? Yep, yours truly. Imagine that? I'm not good enough to call to say "Hey lets do this or that" but bwaaaah I wanna cry on your shoulder because I'm sad because my boyfriends a dick. Yeah, fuuuuuuuck you.
I need a vacation. A sunny, warm, tropical vacation. Away from these people. Away from everyone & everything here to regroup so I can slowly become megabitch again over the next.... well till I go on another vacation. This year has been the year of "I'm going to hop on an airplane & go xx for xx hours and then come home". Vegas, Atlanta, Green Bay, and various cities in my state... Hell I'm just happy to get the hell out of here even if it's for 12 hours and get away from this life and people that surround it.
I need a hobby... And a vacation... Not really in that order.
I need to try new things in the new year. I need to try to commit to something. I think I have a phobia of commitment. There must be a word for that... Commitmentphobia... imagine that?! Thank God for Google. See... not even THAT can be interesting!!! I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo boring.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Again, it's been *forever* since I've been on here. Maybe it's because I don't have anything to say. Maybe I have too much to say and am paranoid that people will find this blog.... Idk.
Posted by Lolita at 4:30 PM
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
On my way to work today, the sky was starting to lighten, you could start to see the blue of the sky but far off in the distance there were big puffy white clouds on top of the mountains. I thought about what a nice picture that would be. I take a lot of pictures but until today I never thought about "why". I take them because normally, at that point in time, I find happiness in whatever I'm seeing through the screen on the camera. Something that I would like to see again later.
Just a simple thought...
Posted by Lolita at 7:09 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Or lack there of!
I remember a time when I had people that actually read my blog. Maybe thats what kept me writing? Maybe not. Maybe I just had more to write about back then. Have I become boring????
Seasons are changing here. It's amazing how the leaves have turned in such a short time. It might be a good weekend for a drive to the tip of the peninsula. Gorgeous colors surrounded by the blue of the water. Perfect!
Bug's birthday is Friday. We were supposed to be out of town for a friends wedding but due to unforseen circumstances, that's not happening now. We'll have to come up with something fun to do instead. Of course I have to make cupcakes for school Friday!
I need to start working out. I want Audrina Patridge's body. Perfection! Either that or take the easy way out & meet me a good plastic surgeon!!!
Debating on Halloween costumes. I'm really not into it this year. Not like I normally am. Idk what it is.
Had a blind date set up. He pretty much ditched me. I sent a rather... to the point email afterwards. I should have let it go but you dont email someone at the time they're supposed to be getting out of work on the day you're supposed to meet them, to tell them you can't make it. I'm guessing there's a bit more to the story. He's very newly divorced so I'm thinking that has a lot to do with it. I've apologized but apparently that wasn't good enough. Maybe he's a dick & that's why he's divorced? Who the hell knows? Some day I'll find Prince Charming. Until then I'll just keep kissing frogs.
Posted by Lolita at 4:56 PM
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Went with the girls last night, pulled my neighbors camper out to another neighbors lakefront property to spend the night. We had stopped at a local bar on our way and had a few beers. Finally got out to the property and had a few with the girls there. An altercation broke out between the neighbors & I suggested to one we take a ride, which we did.
Ended up back in town at a different bar, had a few beers, rolled the dice & won a 6 pack! I *never* win anything! While in this bar 3 guys from out of town came in and I up a conversation with one. Super nice guy, said he's divorced with 2 boys. I gave him my number and away they went. They were headed to a different bar to see their friends that were playing in a band.
We headed back out to the lake and things had calmed down out there. Good times. The guys ended up calling so I met them at a bar and brought them back to the lake for a bit. He asked to see me again before he left & kissed me. Called at 430am when he got home... (lives about an hour, hour & a half away).
Today my phone rings.... "Hi Lolita, this is Katie, Josh's girlfriend, please call me back".
Ugh. WHY ME!?
She called three times. I finally text'd her and explained things and she called me back. I explained to hear what happened. Idk who to believe. Needless to say I haven't heard from him today... stupid asshole men! WHY can I NEVER meet a nice guy?! All I can think is that I'm just destined for someone better to eventually come along.
I have always said, I can attract any asshole, douchebag, cheater, or psycho within a 100 mile radius. Last night proved I still apparently have the gift.
Posted by Lolita at 4:00 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Nothing new to report really. Had a nice weekend with some friends. Went on the neighbors boat on Friday night after work for a bit. Just out into the bay. Saturday we spent pretty much all day out there and took a trip up to the canal. There are some *gorgeous* homes along the canal. I'm very fortunate to be able to live here. Maybe not so much in the winter but definitely in the summer. Although I guess instead of elsewhere in the states, all we have to worry about are snow & blizzards. Because of the lake I have never seen a tornado here, maybe a small one out in the woods away from the lake but no tornado's, hurricanes etc.
I remember when I lived away from here and would come back to visit, how it awe I was with the lake. It truly is breathtaking.
Talked to Bug tonight. She's still having fun and not ready to come home. 3 weeks & 1 day down and 4 weeks and 6 days to go... not that I'm counting or anything.... I just seem very lost this year without her.
Next weekend is girls weekend with some friends on the property they have on the lake. Should be fun. My neighbor has a camper that she's going to pull out there so we don't have to sleep in tents. Damn mosquito's would eat me alive! Should be a good time. Next Monday is my birthday although I have no plans. A few girls & I bought tickets to see Brett Michaels & Vince Niel in concert so we'll do that later in the week. That should be interesting! I haven't been back to the town the concert is in in many years. One of the girls & I used to live there after we graduated high school and I was based there after that with the airline I used to work for. I'm sure it'll bring back some memories for sure! We'll have a great time. Now I need to find something cute to wear & grab my cowgirl hat!
I'll leave you with some pics from the weekend...
Posted by Lolita at 8:17 PM
Friday, July 9, 2010
I am Strong because I am weak. I am Beautiful because I know my flaws. I am a Lover because I'm a fighter. I am fearless because I have been afraid. I am Wise becasue I have been foolish. And I can laugh because I have known sadness
Posted by Lolita at 7:27 AM
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Wow. I haven't been here since late April and come to find out the blogs that I was following are "gone". As in not on my list any longer. Oh well.
View of the big bridge
Our ferry to the island.
Driving over the big bridge!
Butterflies at one of the island's butterfly houses.
View from the Fort
One of the beautiful Great Lakes!
Entrance to the Grand Hotel
One of 2 ways to get around the island
My new baby :) I realize it's sad that I'm excited about this but it's nice not to have to borrow one EVER AGAIN!!!! Now she needs a name!
The dome of the capital
Bug's driveway chalk drawings... not too bad for 9 huh!?
Gorgeous sunset on the 4th
Happy Birthday America!
Later my bitches!
Posted by Lolita at 8:05 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Yep, it's been quite a while again.... I just can't seem to get into it like I used to. I'd like to say it's from the lack of excitement in my life. I've turned into a rather boring person.
Posted by Lolita at 11:30 AM
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Things that make me happy-
Posted by Lolita at 11:56 AM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wow. My Jillian Michaels dvd's finally arrived. OH. MY. GAWD did she kick my ass. Wow. I opted to do 'Banish Fat Boos Metabolism' and thought I was going to die. I had to opt out of a few of the things that she did. She is TOUGH to say the least! Wow. I think I still had sweat 5 minutes after I stopped! After I attempted to do that dvd I did the ab section on 'No More Trouble Zones'. Wow. I can totally understand how this could work sticking with it everyday. I physially couldnt' go on w/ the first one anymore bc I felt that if I stepped one more time my thighs were going to break right in half. And I consider my legs to be in good shape!!! It was nice to see the girls in the video sweating their asses off right with me. Wow. That's all I can say.
I did measure myself last night but I was highly bloated so I figured I'd do it again today. There was an inch difference in my sperm pouch area. Every inch counts!!! I was good today and didn't have salt or pop. I did have a cup of coffee and then drank my new Roobio tea the rest of the day, which is non caffinated. So far so good. Felt much better today and not so bloated. I think I've caught the culprit!!!
I'm going to enter my bathroom in an Ugly Bathroom Contest through our local tv station. Bc lets face it folks- it's FUGLY!
Still unsure of the issue from my rant the other day. Talk about being confused. Fuck. I got on the treadmill and then boxed & did sword fighting on the Wii. I couldn' figure out why the hell I was so sore the next day. I gave it my all damn it!!!
I hate winter. I'm taking a cruise the end of March/ beginning of April. I think I'm dropping Bug off at her dad's and then heading down w/ a friend. I have never been on a cruise & I think that I deserve it!!! I need to relax & have a cabana boy. Idk. Really tempted between a cruise or just going to the keys. Somehow I have a feeling a cruise would be cheaper than the keys. We'll see what we figure out! Hopefully it's HOT down there by then seeing as this winter has been soooooooooooo weird.
Speaking of, I really need to do my taxes!
Wonder if my cell phone works on a cruise or if I'm charged for roaming? Never thought of that. Roaming is my guess but then again I have my pc if I really feel the need.
I'll leave you with a pic I took on Fri.
Posted by Lolita at 8:03 PM
Thursday, January 21, 2010
You are a fucking idiot.
Those would be my signs.
No matter how much you think your "friends" are truthful to you. They're not. Fucking lying sacks of shit. I swear to God that I have "Please fuck me over" written some where on the outside my body so that anyone of the male species says "oh there's an easy target".
Nevermind that he's been a part of your life as a friend and otherwise for about 6 years. The one man that you thought you could trust. Keyword being THOUGHT.
The one that knew you better than anyone else & would never judge you. The one you could tell anything to.
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck the friendship we had. Fuck the high & mighty life you pretend you lead. You're a piece of shit. You're a fake. How the fuck do you sleep at night?
You're the opposite of everything I thought you were. Fuck you. Fuck the strong I thought that you were. You're not strong at all. You're weak. Only a fucking coward could act the way you have.
Fuck the excuses, the promises that you claim to have made. Fuck the advice you give me. The high & mighty life you lead. If the people that look up to you only knew!
Evil. You're evil.
You played with my emotions. You fucked with my heart. You fucked with my head. YOU are an asshole. It amazes me so fucking much that someone that I once loved, as recently as this morning, that I could feel so much hated and deceitfulness for right now.
Fuck the I love you's, fuck the horse you rode on in. Fuck your friends too. Fuck your secrets.
I am such a fucking fool. I vowed w/ this new year I wouldn't be a door mat anymore and you agreed with me. You said it was a good thing. You were pissed off over the ex fucking Asshat & how he didn't deserve me. Yet YOU, Mr Fucktard Asshole did the SAME FUCKING THING to me. I hate you. Why can you do that to me yet he can't?! Why is it ok for you to lie to me but it wasn't ok for him? Do you think you're God? Who the fuck do you think you are?!
I thought I had an idea of who you were. Little did I know that I have no idea at all. You admitted you're fucked up. I thought it was bc of different reasons. Little did I realize this was the reason. What tangled webs we weave my friend. How do you sleep at night? Thats' right you don't. You have no morals at all. What do you have? You have ice for blood in your veins and an artificial heart to pump it through.
You're a cruel person.
How can you inflict pain on people and still walk around breathing, laughing & enjoying your life?
War was probably an easy way out wasn't it? Deployment was the easy option. You're still a coward.
Fuck you. You were my McDreamy. We had a relationship like Callie & McSteamy. Yet you turned out to be nothing but an Alex. You're a dick. User. Womanizer.
You don't think of anyone's feeling but your own. I hope your head, heart and especially your dick is happy you fucking loser. You fake.
Posted by Lolita at 5:40 PM
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I *really* need to do my taxes.
And book a vacation.
I'd like to go to Vegas or Miami if Bug goes to her dads over break from school. If not, then I'm debating on FL again or possibly to visit friends in AZ.... All I know is that I *need* to get out of here for a few days. I am dying to feel sand between my toes & wear my flip flops. Oh how I miss my flip flops!!!!!
Damn winter. I hate you. Although I have to admit it really hasnt' been so bad. We had a blizzard right before Christmas and this past weekend it was in the 50's! This week/ weekend we're in the 20's & 30's with no snow till Sunday so I can't complain too much.
Now if I can just get that sauna built!!!
I think I'll let Bug skip her meeting w/ Jesus tomorrow. She skipped last week too. We had a reason then, a funeral. This week we have no excuse. I may have things to do after work & she can stay at a friends for a bit if she wants. Although I'm sure things will fall through. They always do. One of these days I'm bound to have something go my way right? Right.
I love my new straightener.
I need a new toy.
Taxes still aren't done.
I baked a gazillion fucking cookies tonight for Bug's bake sale tomorrow.
I really wish my sauna was built already.
I should paint my living room again. I need a color that goes w/ my red & gold curtains. Because I love them & dont' want to get rid of them.
Still need to touch up on my bedroom & get new furniture. The brown wood doesn't go. Need black.
Jimmy Fallon just said a guy bit off a cops nipple during a fight outside a bar in Chicago. WHAT THE FUCK!? Is Mike Tyson on the loose again? I'd like to meet Jimmy Fallon.
I'm sad that Conan is leaving. I love him.
This post is extremely random. This is how my brain works on a *daily* basis. Imagine being me! I need to stop analyzing everything. But I think it's funny that I remember how to write analyze bc it starts with "anal" and followed by a "y".
I hate Bejewled Blitz. I play far too much of it bc I'm addicted & weak.
Still not sure I love my Droid. I loved it at first but I think we have now developed a love/ hate relationship with one another.
Does anyone stay faithful anymore? I wonder if they did back in the 50's when life seemed so good & Suzy Homemaker was in the kitchen. Wonder if the milkman or the paperboy really did visit during the day?
It sucks how people retire & then either they or their spouse get sick and die. Makes you wonder if working is really worth it? Makes me want to home school Bug and hop in my car and just go. I miss flying.
I miss the smell of the ocean. Or when the lake wasnt' frozen even though the water is too cold to do anything in. I like listening to the waves.
Alright, enough of my chaotic mind.
Posted by Lolita at 9:33 PM
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Lucy and I decided on a night out of town. Well, in the neighboring town. I got a wild hair up my ass that I wanted a new tattoo. Decided on the Kanji/ Japanese character for "Strength" on one wrist & "courage" on the other. Consulted my friend who teaches Japanese in Australia to make sure they were correct. Well "strength" is 1 character while "courage" is 2. Hmmm... Didn't want to look lopsided. Then remembered about a year ago I thought it'd be funny to get a rabbit on my pubic bone so I could have a "pubic hare". :) There is actually symbolism behind the rabbit as well. Western Europen Rabbit Symbolism-
The color is coming out nicely today. Yesterday it was pretty faint. I have to laugh bc it takes a lot for me to bruise. I told her I have the Aurora Borealis on my arm today! Hahaha!!!! I am so special.
Back to work tomorrow. Yay. (*rolling eyes*) AG's finally back. It's nice seeing him every day again.
Posted by Lolita at 6:41 PM
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
It's hard to believe that it's been three long years since my Grandpa passed. I often times think about how much fun he'd have with his great grandchildren now that they're at the age to really do things. Bug *loves* to snowshoe- one of his favorite past times. I also bought her some cross country skis this year. He'd have fun taking her hiking up into the mountains.... I know he's still with us in spirit but I can't help being selfish and wanting him physically here. Like everyone else that has lost a loved one.
Posted by Lolita at 7:07 AM
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I'm grateful for the wonderful friends that I have that have showed me that they are there for me when I need them most. Whether it's a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, or a pounding head to treat when I'm pissed off and yelling.
Since Oct I have reconnected with another old friend from childhood. It's nice to see how we can just pick up where we left off.
George & I are no longer together. He is another story that I don't care to blog about bc he is no longer a part of my life & honestly, I truly despise him.
So I've decided that instead of doing a life long Bucket List I am going to start one for each year. I'm going to do this instead of New Years resolutions. So far I'm doing well.
- I haven't smoked in a week (ok I cheated yesterday once but I have NO desire to smoke at all and the smoke actually drove me nuts. I'm actually a total hypocrite bc I hate smoke.
- Stop letting "friends" walk all over me. (I'm doing very good with this as well. Sucks when one has always been like a sister to you. Closer to me than my own sister.)
- Exercise. I've been doing really well. Well except in the past few days. I have been cross country skiing (bought myself & Bug a set for Christmas). I lugged the treadmill in the house & set it up. It's old but hell it's a treadmill. I have also been trying to do 30 min on the Wii fit a day. So far I'm doing well. I'm not really focused on losing weight bc I really don't need to. I'm not overweight by any means. I'd like to firm & tone. That's my goal. Since I started this the last week in Dec I have noticed a significant change in my legs, which really don't take much to tone at all. My arms & back are starting to get better but my stomach is the issue. Ick. I'm working on it though. I am going to give it a real try. For once in my life- a real try. So far I'm seeing changes but I think I should measure just to see. I did measure my waist and was floored at how big it is for my little body. No one ever believed me before. Well now I have proof! :) So I guess we'll see how things turn out. Wish me luck!!!
- Vacation. I desperately want a vacation this year. I would love another like Bug & I went last year but I'd also love one with just the girls this year. I guess we'll see what happens if she goes to her dads over Easter vacation. It's hard to just plan without anywhere for her to go while I'm gone. My parents live too far out of town to bring her to school every day. This is on the list.
Posted by Lolita at 7:48 PM