Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The DREADED word......


Can someone please explain to me how the fuck you're supposed to be "friends" with someone you're in love with!?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Each day is a gift that sometimes we take for granted

This song REALLY hit me today. I blogged a while back about a friend of mine that is very sick w/ Leukemia. I'm happy to say that as of early last week he is 100% cancer free and the transplant was a success!!! Now on to the bad news... he's had every single ailement he could possibly have. He's had every "thing" that could possibly go wrong-- actually GO wrong. He has had a blood disease that only 1 in 8 MILLION people get. Yep, he was one of the lucky ones. He also has Graft vs Host disease. He has had blood clots, stomach problems, the list goes on. He can't keep any food in. He's on a ton of morophine as well as opiates for the pain. Half of the time he doesn't even know if his wife is there or not. She had chosen to come home for a few days on Sunday night. He found out about the Leukemia in early April and they left for the hospital which is 8 hours away in May. They have 2 children that have been living w/ relatives during this time. He was supposed to come home mid-September but that obviously didn't happen. He's far too sick. He's about 6'1 or 6'2 and is now down to 160 or so pounds. VERY thin for a man his height. He's always been a thin person but I cannot imagine physically seeing him right now. Not long ago his eyes were swollen shut, he's lost all of his hair. When he's done with all of this and well again he has to go through all of the immunizations just like a newborn baby because he will have zero immune system. Isn't that crazy? I dont know how many blood transfusions he has had in the past 5 months. It's just absolutely crazy.

Anyway sorry for the tangent. His wife came home on Monday to see the kids etc and got a call last night. He was full of infection so they'd pumped him full of antibiotics and had to put him on a respirator to help him breathe. I cannot fathom what they are going through. His wife and sister left last night and his brother (who happened to be a PERFECT bone marrow match which is almost unheard of for a sibling to match like that. The Dr said it was almost like they were twins!!!) and wife left either last night or today as well. I feel so bad. I can't explain the feeling I have. When I heard the word "respirator" today, my heart sunk into my stomach and I literally felt so sick. Respirator is never a good thing. However I guess he does know that his family is there so that's a really good sign. I just hope and pray to God that he makes it through this. We need him. His family needs him. He's only 37 years old. FAR too young to be so sick. THat family has had such bad luck with things in their lives. Their children have been so sick. When he called me to tell me that hsi brother was a perfect match- he was crying so hard. He was so overjoyed.... And now this. We knew the road would be long and hard but I don't think I was prepared for just how sick he would get. How close to the brink of death he would be...

It's times like this that make you sit and and realize that YOUR problems could be so much bigger than they really are!!!

So today while I was at work listenting to my Sirius over the net, this song came on and I immediately thought of him. Listen to the words of the song and tell me what you think... It really makes me think about all the things I take for granted on a daily basis.... Very sad.

Ok... now on to some fun stuff, bc I'm far too depressed now.

What's the last pill that you took?
My anti-baby pill

You're currently listening to
Thriving Ivory- Angels on the Moon

What are you feeling right now?
They keys underneath my fingers as I type.

Are you happy with your life right now?
Now that I'm thinking about it-- yes I should be.

When was the last time you smiled?
Remembering when said friend above and I had permanent marker fights at work.

First person you talked to today?

What are you NOT looking forward to?
Work tomorrow.

Are you a forgiving person?
I need to learn to NOT be so fucking forgiving.

Do Italian/French/Spanish accents turn you on?
Oh Italian for sure. Bug's dad spoke 5 languages and Italian BY FAR was my favorite. SEXY!!!

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
No way but I do hate the girl that called me at WORK yesterday to discuss her psychotic boyfriend!!!! I mean AT WORK!? Do people not know I have a HOME phone? Fucking bitch.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Actually sang "to" me? Twice and both times it was so completely gay I did all I could not to laugh and tell them how ridiculous they sounded bc they sucked. I didn't have the heart to tell them.

Who is the first girl you'd go to if you were mad?
Last night it was Vix and THANKS BABE!!! You rock!

Why is your relationship status the way it is?
Because he thinks my tractor's sexy... it really turns him on

Who do you dislike currently?
That dumb bitch that called me at work yesterday and just about everyone that's involved in her life.

Where do you plan on living when you grow up?:
Oh I'm NEVER growing up. Toys 'R Us said I didn't have to. I keep my membership w/ them current.

Ever been in a perfect relationship?
Perfection is boring, if I'm in perfect relationship that means I have virtually nothing to look forward to.

Do people hate you?
Ya I'm pretty sure they do but I sleep well at night so I'm ok with it. Those to matter dont' mind and those who mind don't matter.

Have you ever felt replaced?
Of course. All the time. However I know that *I* can never really be replaced or duplicated :)

Do you say sorry first?
Depends what I did and how bad it was...

Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say?
Which ex? The one I've been dealing with recently-- I'd tell him the cops are on their way and secretly hope I can get away from him before he kills me.

If you were to die today would your life be complete?
No, because I wouldn't live to see my child grow up or meet my grandchildren.

Do you think you're approachable?
Most of the time. Unless I give you my "fuck you" look. Then it's normally not a good time. :)

Do you get offended easily?
Ya I get offended about 1% of the time.

If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
Oh I sure as fuck would right this very minute. Although I know how lonely it is when you move somewhere new and you virtually know no one.

Do you keep any secrets from your best friend?
Depends which best friend. There's one that I tell absolutely everything to, well maybe 2 but then I have other best friends that I have learned I can only tell certain things to for different reasons.

Do you miss anyone?

Do you have alcohol hidden in your room?
Ummmm.... what am I? 12?

Have you ever been paint balling?
Nope but I've been lazer tagging and was going to go cow tipping once!

What do your friends call you?
Whatever they want.

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
Oh if you only knew! Lets just say you're *really* lucky I didn't go off on that tangent. There isn't enough web space!

Who was the last person you ate with?

How many pictures do you have saved on your computer?
A lot. Thousands.

Anyone you want to forget?
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did it once I can do it again!

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to?
I feel most comfortable blogging which is why my rants are usually wrong and jump from subject to subject.

Do you plan on moving in the next year or two?
I dont' *plan* on moving but life is unpredictable.

Do you wake up cranky?
Almost every day. I am NOT a morning person-- at all. Bug knows this but yes feels that she has to wake me up before 8am on the WEEKENDS to ask me something completely DUMB.

Do you hate when people smoke around you?
I am actually a smoking hypocrite and I admit it. I normally don't smoke unless I'm in a social setting or have a beer in my hand. I HATE the smell of it and the way I feel and my clothes etc. I have to take a shower after the bar and the bars around here are HORRIBLE!

Do you look more like your mom or dad?

Are you taller then your mom?
Believe it or not I am about 2 in taller! :)

How tall are you?
*almost* 5'2". My Grandma was about 4'10"

Have you ever broken your arm?
Can't say that I have. Thank God.

Do you trust anyone?
Very very few.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Ugh... That's tough. I'm getting better at becoming a cold hearted bitch but when I explode-- watch the fuck out.

Do you wave when you see people you know?
I try but I dont pay attention when I drive bc I do too much thinking.

What color is your cell phone?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Something different today...

Do you think your wasting your time on the person you like?
Hmmmmm... I'll figure it out sooner or later

How many people have you kissed in 2008?

Can you fill this out without lying?
You'll never know.

Is there anything you want to tell somebody?
Oh hell yes! And I did just that this weekend! Go me! Dumb bitch.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a T?
I'm sure I have. I'm like that.

Name some people that made you laugh yesterday?
The re-telling the story of my weekend to my Aunt. I guess I was more laughing at the expense of others rather than something that was actually "ha ha" funny. After all, isn't making fun of others what it's all about anyway!?

How late did you stay up last night and why?
I freaking fell asleep during my show and then woke up at 130am and couldn't fall back alseep.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I really miss Chicago but I always liked N&SC.

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Oscare the Grouch but Beaker and the Swedish Chef are just around the corner.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Depends on the ex and whether I dislike them or not.

Where is your biological father right now?
Sperm donor is dead.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
George... I think.

Was yesterday better than today?
Hmmm.. In a way I guess so but my week so far as been actually uneventful.

What are you listening to?
Bug yelling at the dogs and the dogs wrestling. Oh wait, now Bug's singing.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
With the right person they can be.

Last time you spent the night at someone's house?
Couldn't tell you but had a nooner at someone else's recently.

When was the last time you were sad?
Pfffffffffft.... Now I'm just bitchy. :)

What are you wearing?
A purple leotard, zebra print leg warmers and a neon green tutu

Where do you wish you were right now?
A tropical island w/ my own personal cabana boy

Is anything bothering you right now? If so, what is it?
Dumb stupid cunts. I HATE dumb people. Douchbags.

Night out or night in?
Depends who it's with and what the plan is

What items could you not go without during the day?
My car, it'd be one LONG ass walk to work and lets face it-- I'm just *that* lazy. I'd rather call in sick.

How do you feel about your life right now?
Every day above the ground is a good day right? And I don't live in a cardboard box.. starting to get cold here so that'd really suck.

Do you hate anyone and why?
Dumb people for obvious reasons, bad drivers bc I have road rage, same reason for slow drivers, people that have no idea what they're talking about, one of my co-workers bc of all the reasons I've listed and she looks like a total dyke. Not that I have anything against dykes but.. well you have to know this she-man. Annoying as fuck! Oh, liers, cheaters, the guy that orders frozen pizza's at the local grocery store bc the fucker hasn't restocked my favorite margherita pizza in forever. *SNOW* Ok, I hate Mother Nature bc the bitch is just f'n mean.

Why are you not going for the person you want?
Who said I'm not?

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Yep, although I could never be a full fledged lesbian.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
My new Richard Simmon's Sweatin to the Oldies to arrive! I will so be looking like Oliva Newton John in Maneater soon!

At the moment, are you more warm or cold?
I'm just fine.

Do you have a boyfriend?
Last time I checked but that could change at any minute.

When was the last time you saw snow?
Spring and I'm sure I'll see the shit again soon. Damn I need to add that to my list above!

Do you smile often?
I try. One day I may lose all my teeth and then I won't smile anymore. Unless someone gives me chicklets. White ones.

What does your most recent text say? Who is it from?
I'm so not looking but I think it was from Vixen.

Do you prefer an ocean or pool?
Pools are nice but if I'm at the ocean then I KNOW this bitch is on vacation and my cabana boy is just around the corner!!!

How long is your hair?
I'm too lazy to measure at the moment.

Who told you they loved you last?
My daughter.

What color are your eyes?
The color of bullshit.