Again

Again I've been neglecting you. I'm sorry. My life is totally fucked up.

I may be single... but I might not. I'm not really sure. What I do know is that I will not tolerate living my life without respect from my significant other. What makes one lose respect? What makes someone one day decide that they are better then you and they think they have the ability to dictate your life. Your friends, your clothes etc. Two words-- FUCK THAT.

Bug is leaving next Saturday for her dad's. She will be gone until August 16th. I will have plenty of time to blog while shes is gone. Lord knows I'll have nothing better to do. Well unless I'm single. Then I'll be free to dance on bars again.

I haven't had a cigarette in a week. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be so bitchy... Or is my life really *that* fucked up right now?!

He hasn't talked to me since 8am yesterday. That would be approximately 34 hours. His loss. I'm a good fucking catch damn it. I don't deserve this bullshit.

I was sick all last week. I barely made it to work. I had a temp of 101.9-102.9 for4 days. I finally went to the Dr on Friday. Thursday night all I did was cry I was in so much pain. Four days w/o a break in the fever. It was pure hell. I couldnt' even put Bug to bed on Thursday. So 0830 Friday I was at the Dr's office. He didnt' come in till 0930 after visiting patients in the hospital. There were already 2 or 3 people ahead of me. I had to piss in a cup. Then they sent me to the hospital for bloodwork. When I got back to the office I had to piss in a cup again. They decided that I just might be preggers. I thought I was going to cry right there. THANK GOD I'M NOT!!!!!!!!! So after all of that they still didn't know what was wrong with me other than a bit of unexplainable blood in my urine. Oh well. I guess I'm not going to die. Just a viral infection of some sort. Saturday I woke up and the fever had finally broken but I had a terrible cough and the feeling of an elephant sitting on my chest. I still have that feeling and some phlegm but I still don't feel nearly as bad as I did last week. I'm chaulking the phlegm and cough up to the fact that the leaves are FINALLY coming out here so we're bombarded w/ pollen which is making it hard to breath. I get like this every single spring.

Today is the first day I've wanted to smoke in a week. Probably because I'm so irritated. I'm more of a social smoker anyway. When I go out or when I'm pissed. I dont' smoke at work and I rarely smoke at home. Go figure. I also hate smoke. I'm such a hypocrite. I get home from the bar and I'm in the shower right away bc I cannot stand waking up smelling like a bar. Imagine that?

My dog has also been sick. IDK what her issue is but Monday I woke up and there was dog shit and vomit the color of dog shit all over my freaking house. I cleaned it all up and the next night-- the same thing. Wednesday night was normal. No mess anywhere when I woke up. Last night I fell asleep on the couch till 6am and there were 2 or 3 spots. IDK whats up w/ her. Maybe she has the flu? Maybe bad dog food? If she's still sick tomorrow I'll call the vet. She's acting fine when I'm here and during the day so... IDK. Fucking animals.

Alright I'm too pissy to blog anymore. Hope you're all alive and well. I'll keep you updated on whether I'll be dancing on bars or tables in the near future or if someone learned they were being dickish. (Shut up, it's MY word!!!)