Heart Attack

Ya, I don't have much time since Grey's will be on shortly, however I have to share my mini heart attack story with you.

Bug and I went to her open house at school today. We visited her classroom and her locker and all the things that you do at those functions. She'd heard they were having snacks in the cafeteria so we decided to check it out. I'm a sucker for baked goods so why the hell not right? We grabbed a cookie to split as well as a cup of juice. We'd been sitting for a couple of minutes and she says "Oh mom! There's our new secretary!!!!" She's just waving away so I turned around and talk about a holyshitithinkijustshitmyfuckingspants moment if I've ever had one. It was HER. T2. The soon to be ex wife of George. OMFG. I honestly cannot tell you if I smiled if I looked like I just shit my pants, if I was sitting on a hemmeroid. I have no fucking clue. I froze, yet my armpits started sweating profusely. OMFG OMFG OMFG!!!! UGH. Now this woman HATES my living guts. Seriously. I wish that I could have been "normal" towards her and said hello etc. but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I 'd really like to explain to her what happened between us and that *I* am NOT the reason that her marriage fell apart but you know? No matter what I say, no matter what I do. I'm a peice of shit in her eyes. I have wrecked her life. Nothing I say will be believed.

Now I would hate to be in her shoes. She was in the cafeteria to get some coffee. Now had it been me in her shoes, I probably would have turned around and walked away. Because that's me. I would HATE to see the woman that my ex was seeing before our divorce was finalized. Strictly becuase I can't blame her for thinking the things that she does. But there is NO way that she will be reassured. She sent him a rather nasty email yesterday asking when "it" will all be done so that he can stop sneaking around with me. You know, we don't sneak. She and her friend have walked up here and have seen his truck parked in my driveway. She even called him on it. We've NEVER denied our friendship. She knows that we talk, email etc. There is nothing to hide. Anyway, I just wanted OUT of that cafeteria like you cannot believe. So Bug and I downed our juice and away we went. Well wouldn't you know. Every single place I went in that hallway--- there she was. Like a vulture waiting for it's prey. Seriously, THAT is exactly how I felt.

Would she have said something to me? I'm not sure. I really don't know. Sometimes I think that she's just waiting for the right time. This weekend for instance, George left to see a friend and will be out of town until Sunday. She knows this. She knows that he isn't here to come to my aide or whatever you want to call it. I just don't know. I've seen the chick go off on him IN the bar in front of everyone. She doesn't care. Yet, when you meet her she's totally different. Probably one of the genuinelly nicest people I've ever met. It's just odd. I mean sure, we all have that front that we put up when we meet people, we're all on our best behavior...

But you know, SHE chose to stay here. She used to tell him that HE took her away from her family.... Uh.... REALLY!? Because I'm pretty sure she moved her on her own free will... I still cannot believe she kept her job here this year. Cannot believe that. We figured for sure that she would have left. Then again, in a way, I can see why she'd keep her job and stay here. Number one I guess it's her "dream" job. But number two, if I were her, I wouldn't have given up hope. I'd have stayed and tried to work things out with him...

Then again, he's VERY complex. When his mind is made up--- that's it. There are no questions, no if's, and's or but's. He's just "done". It's almost like he completely disassociates himself from everything and turns his feelings off with a flick of a switch. It's odd. When it comes to me, I see so much love in his eyes and his actions. Yet when it comes to "them", he seems numb. Completely numb and almost heartless in a way... Not in a Idontgiveafuckaboutyou sort of way but more of a "this is done and you need to put your big girl panties on and just deal with it". I don't know. I think I'd be hurt if my marriage had failed, even if *I* was the one that wanted to end things. I think I'd still be sad. I know I've never broken up with someone and NOT felt bad about it.

Oh well.

Listen bitches, it's been nice venting to you but I gotsta go. Bug's got homework and I have a date w/ the TV when Grey's comes on!

<3,
Me