Where have you been??? Be advised I'm long winded today!

Ugh I'm here. What a year this has been so far. Death. Just like my year started out last year, it's happening again this year. Only not to me but to my friends. About a month ago my friends Dad passed away. He was an alcoholic for many years and had been sober for 4. Just long enough to regain a relationship with his children and his grandchildren. Unfortunately he didn't quit soon enough. It ultimately killed him. I felt horrible listening to him tell us how much fluid they sucked out of him. First it was monthly, then bi-weekly. You could tell the end was near. His face was still so thin but the rest of his body so extremely bloated. My friend was oblivious to this. I dont' think she knew he was quite at the point he was at and of course he didn't tell her. To make matters worse, about a week, maybe two weeks after the funeral her step dad had gotten sick so he went to the Dr. They sent him to a Dr a few hours away to run some tests etc. At first they thought it was pancreotic (spelling?) cancer, but then determinded that it was lung cancer. It has already spread to his other organs, yet he's opting for chemo. I could understand that if they hadn't given him a time frame already. Three to six months. And he's putting himself through chemo. Why? Why would someone do that to themselves? I just don't understand. If I'm going to die, I want pain meds to keep me comfortable and I want to live my last days to the fullest. Make ammends with anyone that I need to make ammends with and just do it all. Everything that I was never able to do. Live it up ya know? Instead, he is choosing to be sick from the chemo. Hell, chemo alone will kill you... Then again, this is HIS life we're talking about and not mine.

Last Monday another friend of mine, her mom brought her dad down to Green Bay for some tests. Her dad has been very sick for quite some time. He has congestive heart failure, emphysemia, they had also been treating him for diabetes for years which they later determined he didn't have! Can you imagine!? He is always in and out of the local hospital. Probably once a month he's admitted for a few days at a time. However he's gotten really bad since September. I would say he's been admitted once every couple of weeks. Anyway, her mom brought him down on Monday for some tests. I'm not exactly sure what. I think they were supposed to come home on Tuesday or Wednesday. Something went wrong. Very, very wrong. This summer when he was in the hospital here they OD'd him on morophine. Well, I shouldnt' really say OD'd but it made him very, very sick so they had to transfer him to a bigger hospital about an hour and a half away. Well, this same thing happened last week to him. He'd gotten very sick. Her mom was alone with him. L had planned on heading down there but her sister went down first and told her to wait at home. It sounded like he was doing better. This was Wednesday. Or was it Tuesday? Either way, her sister called and they left. It's about a 3 hour drive from here to get there so anything can heppen in that amount of time. They got there late. They'd determined that his kidneys had completely shut down. From the morophine. They were just too weak to handle it. So what do you do? You have this man who's kidneys have shut down, sure you could do dialysis but for how long? A transplant would have killed him for sure. The rest of his body would have been FAR to weak to handle that. He finally fell asleep around 9pm. The next morning he still hadn't woken up. The Dr told them that he probably wouldn't. L called me to tell me the news. I was just heartbroken. She calls back a couple of hours later and says that after she hung up the phone with me he was in bed trying to eat!!!!! Go figure! Baffling. Anyway, her other sister lives in Indiana but was out in PA at a meeting. Of course she'd driven out there so she was on her way driving to WI. She finally got there that night very late. Again, he was out of it but still holding on. They were told that nornally a person will pass 3-7 days after kidney failure. Saturday was day 3. She finally called saying that he wasn't going to wake up. They were all able to say their goodbyes on Friday, as was he. So Saturday they decided to take him off of all his meds besides his oxygen and main meds and disconnect his defibulator. He had signed a DNR anyway so it's what he would have wanted. The stubborn ol Finlander hung on for HOURS! They could nto figure out what he was waiting for. L took a ride and got her daughter, she brought P back go the hospital to say goodbye to Grandpa and literally as soon as she left the room he passed. He was waiting for his little girl. God even now that tears me up. She was just the light of his life. His heart and soul. The poor thing just didn't understand. She thought that if she'd have stayed w/ Papa a while longer that he wouldn't have passed. Trying ot explain to a 10 year old that he WAITED for her is hard. Ugh. but just so touching. So since he was about 3 hours away they weren't able to get him until today. The visitation and funeral are set for Thursday and Friday. So tiring. Now it'll be back to waiting for J's step dad to pass. Poor girls. I just cannot imagine going through that. I know we all do at some point but how heart wrenching especially when they're all so young. J's dad was only 61 maybe, L's dad is 63 and I have no idea how old J's step dad is. Not very old, that much I can tell you. And then she has to worry about her mom. She was a nurse for many years but developed a seizure condition and she's not supposed to drive and there is no way she'll be able to live on her own. Poor girls. Sometimes I wish I could preform miracles but then again it's all a part of life and what makes us strong.

What else? Oh the haircut. Yep, chopped it off. I dont really have any better pics right now but I'll post the ones from the day I had it cut. I was also sick with the flu. As wrong as it is I knew if I cancelled that appt I'd NEVER reschedule it bc I'd chicken out. I'm happy with it. It's something different. It's hair, it'll always grow back right?

Fuck. Ok I guess I'm not posting any pics of anythign right now. I can't even use spell check. Ugh. Sorry for the typo's! :) I'll have to post pics later.

I'm FREEZING!!!! You CANNOT even being to imagine the amount of snow we have up here this year. Seriously, it SUCKS. SUCKS! It's insane. The worst winter in the 6 years I've been back here. At least maybe the lake level will be up this summer. It was the lowest last year in like 80 years or something like that.

Well I suppose I can't think of anything else to yack your ear off about (ok, your eyes) so I suppose I should go toss another load of clothes in the washer. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Ok I was able to save and the add them so here they are. A before and then after. Horrible pics but you get the idea! :) I was sick and then started to think that I was pregnant! Thankfully, it was a case of the flu. I've never been so happy to have the FLU in my life!!! :)