My liver has left the building

Two weeks.... Again. Boy I really suck at this huh?

My liver is shot. I'm convinced of this. I don't think there was one night this week that I DIDN'T have a beer. Ugh. I'm not used to this considering Bug is normally home and I very rarely drink 2 days in a row. Add the 4th of July festivities on top of that and well... I'm fucking tired!!!!

Last weekend was the Fireman's Tournament. Yes, all the small fire departments from the 4 neighboring counties all get together and compete in different things. One was they had to sit in chairs and once the whistle blew they had to get their jackets, boots and hats on and run over to a big garbage can and fill their 5 gallon pickle pail with water, run over to another garbage can and dump their water. Only their buckets had about one hundred holes in them. It's hilarious to watch. Not to mention that most of them are drunk by noon that day. Another game was to take a long string held up by two forklift sort of machines. An emtpy keg is in the middle and there are knots on either side. They have to take the hoses and shoot water until the keg reaches the opposing teams knot. Freaking funny ass shit. (You probalby have to be there.) All I can say is Only in the UP!








They had a fireman's ball that night in the Armory. They had a kick ass band playing and everything. After the bag pipers we were going to go in but it was $5 per person to get in and they didn't have canned beer--only keg. Well I don't do keg beer so I talked the gang into going down the street to a bar to get a "real" beer. Got in there and it was an odd crowd. So we hopped back in the truck and went down the street to the next bar. They had karaoke. Now anyone who knows me knows I dont do karaoke. Oh boy. The karaoke I did that night!!! George & I did the Grease Lighting megamix, Jess & I did Strawberry Wine for her dad that she'd just buried a few days earlier (he always called me the Strawberry Queen after a dacquari night Jess & I went on), George & B were singing some Pour Some Sugar On Me. OMFG did we have a good time!!! George's sister & BIL were at a casino about 1.5-2 hrs away, they came back to party with us. George had 21 drink tickets for the fireman's ball (it was only $1 a glass!) so he wanted to leave and use up his tickets. Well there was NO way I was leaving a bar that I was having a kick ass time in to walk all the way back down there to drink keg beer. Ew. Not happening. So the guys left and we stayed and sang. OMFG did I have a good time!!! Of course the 4 shots that I had really helped with growing a set of balls I needed to get up and sing. I sounded like shit and I didn't care in the least! Had a GREAT time!

Hightlights from the Green Bay trip--

I haven't done anything with my pics from the 4th yet so those will have to be later.

Later bitches!

Where have I been?

Here, there and everywhere in between. Ok not really but that's what it seems like!

Drove to WI on Friday. We went to the zoo and Bug has been DYING to go to Lambeau field so we took her there. I thought she was honestly going to hyperventalate. We did the tour thing there which Bug thought was awesome. It really was neat. I mean there is *so* much history in that statium! We *had* to eat dinner at Chuck E Cheese's. Neither George nor I wanted to eat there but since it was Bug's last night I decided that we'd eat where ever her little heart desired. After that we headed back to the hotel and down to the pool.

The poor thing cried for 2 days before she left bc she was going to miss me so much but once she saw her dad she was just fine. I've talked to her a couple of times on the phone and she's been just fine. She's with her dad and brother until August 16th. 8 very long weeks. 60 days sounds so much better doesn't it?

So Saturday after dropping her off George and I putzed around. Stopped at Home Depot, Bed, Bath & Beyond, PetSmart etc. His sister and hubby were in GB as well as they were flying to VA to pick up their daughter to bring home. (Long story behind that one.) Anyway, we met them for drinks and dinner. Sadly, 4 beers and I was pickled. I really need to build up the tolerance again!!!

On the 6th my cousin and I decided to go have a beer. Bug was gone and her hubby was gone for the weekend and her daughter was staying at her Grandma's for the night. Her MIL called around 10p or so and said that her daughter was sick and had thrown up. It was green and looked like moss... Interesting... Anyway, I ended up picking up L and bringing them both home. L continued to throw up till 5am. On Saturday she was better, no fever at all during the entire time she's sick. Finally 4pm she started tossing cookies again. It was finally clear bc obviously this 9 year old child had gotten everything that was in her system out. Cousin called the nurse's station at the hospital explaining what was going on and the pains in her stomach and was told there was a "bug" that was going around. It made sense. L slept all night that night. Sunday cousin was getting her into the bathtub which L said felt really good on her belly. After she washed her hair and was ready to get her out, L collapsed screaming in pain. Cousin dressed her and rushed her to the ER only to be told "the clinic opens in a half an hour". Uh NO, this child is extremely sick and needs to be seen NOW. The Dr saw her and after L telling her that it hurt to pee she decided that it was probably just a bladder infection. Cousin said no. It was something more. She has had a bladder infection and this certainly was NOT a freaking bladder infection. She asked about a CAT scan and the Dr said "you really want me to?" UH!? Are you fucking dumb? YES!!!! So to make a long story short she had appendicitis and had to be rushed to a hospital an hour away for an appendectomy. Ugh. Cousin rode in the ambulance but her hubby was not home. He was on hsi way home from out of town but his cell phone was all screwed up. I finally got a hold of him when he was about an hour away. Fast forward. They do the surgery laproscopic. The surgeon came out and said everything went good and they got it all. The appendix had not ruptured and she could go home the following day.

They released L on Monday w/ demerol for the pain and an anti biotic. She still can't eat and still has pain. This went on all week. Thursday Bug and I stopped by to say goodbye before she left and she seemed to be getting better.

Monday cousin was at work and said that L woke her up at either 3am or 5am complaining that she needed a pain pill. She called work at 0830 crying in pain. Cousin made an appt for her and took her in. They did blood work on her, gave her a script for more pain meds and finally called her back a bit later with the results. A normal range for white blood cells is 8,000-11,000, L's were at 24,000!!! INFECTION. Ended up in the hospital again on IV with fluid and antibiotics. I cannot begin to explain to you the pain this child was in. It was like watching a 9 year old in labor. It was horrendous!!! Shots on demerol did NOTHING. She had 3-4 shots of demerol between 2-5pm and then when I got back at 7pm she had 2 more between 7-9p that were accompanied by an anti anxiety medication. After the first one she finally slept for maybe 30-45 min. Until the nurse came in to check vitals. She asked her what her pain level was and she said a 3. Not a minute after she walked out it was a 4 and then a 7 and then like a 50. She was flailing and in the fetal position, crying, screaming. It was terrible. They consulted with the Dr and then with another hospital about an hour and a half away (in the opposite direction of where she had the appendectomy). They couldn't do the surgery there until the following day bc she needed to have 2 bags of antibiotics in her system first.

Oh ya, forgot to say that she had an absess from the appendicitis. The absess wasn't infected but the outside of it was. It was covered in infection.

Her dad finally called me at midnight and they were transferring her. After her not peeing for roughly 10 hours they realized that they would ahve to insert a catater. She was having NONE of it. When you have a little girl you teach her that boys and people in general are NOT to touch or look at your "privates". Well they taught her well bc it was NOT happening. They had 2 men and 2 women holding this child down. Nto going to happen. So they decided to transfer hre. She screamed in pain the entire ride. Once they got there they gave her morophine and inserted the cathater.

Yesterday they did some tests and the absess was behind her bladder pushing on her rectum. Which makes sense bc she kept saying she had to poop but couldn't. The kid was shitting puss. Gross I know. Sorry. Anyway they decided they couldn't insert the drain tube like they'd wanted. Instead they had to open her up. For the 2 hours before the surgery they would give her NOTHING for the pain. Cousin ended up hyperventalating they had to get a nurse for her. Finally the nurse called the Dr and gave her some meds and decided they would adjust the anethesia accordingly.

When they got in there they realized the absess was bigger than my fist!!! Full of toxins and infection. Poor thing!!!

Hopefully the worst is over and she can start to recover now. They left the incision open and inserted a drain tube. She won't be home until Sunday at the very least. Poor poor baby.

Bug doesn't know. She'd want to come home right away and panic. No need to tell her these things while she's gone.

My Grandpa has been in and out of the hospital twice in the past week and my parents dog may have to have a blood transfusion. Grandpas bp is very low and he's getting very dizzy. The dog has been sicka nd sleeping non stop so they brought her in last week and gave her meds. Monday they brought her back again and did bloodwork. A dogs platelets are supposed to be between 150-175, hers are 24. Not good. They gave them steriods to hopefully bring it up otherwise the next step is to have a transfusion 10 hours away. She has an auto immune something or other. Her red blood cells are attacking themselves and the rest of her body so she's basically killing herself. Poor thing. They go back in tomorrow.

Well time for me to stop typing. I think I've developed carpel tunnel from all this typing today. But anyway there's your update. That's where I've been and why I've not blogged in 2 weeks or whatever its' been. I'm sure now that Bug is gone I'll update more as I have *so* much free time now.

Hope everyone is having a great summer so far. Colder than SHIT here!!! Ugh. Sucks ass.

Again

Again I've been neglecting you. I'm sorry. My life is totally fucked up.

I may be single... but I might not. I'm not really sure. What I do know is that I will not tolerate living my life without respect from my significant other. What makes one lose respect? What makes someone one day decide that they are better then you and they think they have the ability to dictate your life. Your friends, your clothes etc. Two words-- FUCK THAT.

Bug is leaving next Saturday for her dad's. She will be gone until August 16th. I will have plenty of time to blog while shes is gone. Lord knows I'll have nothing better to do. Well unless I'm single. Then I'll be free to dance on bars again.

I haven't had a cigarette in a week. Maybe if I did I wouldn't be so bitchy... Or is my life really *that* fucked up right now?!

He hasn't talked to me since 8am yesterday. That would be approximately 34 hours. His loss. I'm a good fucking catch damn it. I don't deserve this bullshit.

I was sick all last week. I barely made it to work. I had a temp of 101.9-102.9 for4 days. I finally went to the Dr on Friday. Thursday night all I did was cry I was in so much pain. Four days w/o a break in the fever. It was pure hell. I couldnt' even put Bug to bed on Thursday. So 0830 Friday I was at the Dr's office. He didnt' come in till 0930 after visiting patients in the hospital. There were already 2 or 3 people ahead of me. I had to piss in a cup. Then they sent me to the hospital for bloodwork. When I got back to the office I had to piss in a cup again. They decided that I just might be preggers. I thought I was going to cry right there. THANK GOD I'M NOT!!!!!!!!! So after all of that they still didn't know what was wrong with me other than a bit of unexplainable blood in my urine. Oh well. I guess I'm not going to die. Just a viral infection of some sort. Saturday I woke up and the fever had finally broken but I had a terrible cough and the feeling of an elephant sitting on my chest. I still have that feeling and some phlegm but I still don't feel nearly as bad as I did last week. I'm chaulking the phlegm and cough up to the fact that the leaves are FINALLY coming out here so we're bombarded w/ pollen which is making it hard to breath. I get like this every single spring.

Today is the first day I've wanted to smoke in a week. Probably because I'm so irritated. I'm more of a social smoker anyway. When I go out or when I'm pissed. I dont' smoke at work and I rarely smoke at home. Go figure. I also hate smoke. I'm such a hypocrite. I get home from the bar and I'm in the shower right away bc I cannot stand waking up smelling like a bar. Imagine that?

My dog has also been sick. IDK what her issue is but Monday I woke up and there was dog shit and vomit the color of dog shit all over my freaking house. I cleaned it all up and the next night-- the same thing. Wednesday night was normal. No mess anywhere when I woke up. Last night I fell asleep on the couch till 6am and there were 2 or 3 spots. IDK whats up w/ her. Maybe she has the flu? Maybe bad dog food? If she's still sick tomorrow I'll call the vet. She's acting fine when I'm here and during the day so... IDK. Fucking animals.

Alright I'm too pissy to blog anymore. Hope you're all alive and well. I'll keep you updated on whether I'll be dancing on bars or tables in the near future or if someone learned they were being dickish. (Shut up, it's MY word!!!)

Look at the time...

My how time flys huh? Where the hell have I been?

Busy that's where!!!

Friend w/ Leukemia- brother is a PERFECT match. I have no idea if I've already written about that or not. Anyway, they called him on Friday with a date. Everything is getting to be very real for him and is really freaking him out. I would be freaking out too. From my understanding they will do extensive chemo on him. After that they will do the transplant. He will have to live in a "bubble" for a hwile and wont' be able to come home for a ballpark of 90-100 days. My heart just goes out to him and his family. I cannot imagine having to endure something like that.

Catachism-- almost done. First communion and Confirmation this Sunday. I was informed by my daughters father that my boyfriend is NOT allowed to sit by us in church. UH!? HELLO???? If this is so important to him then WHY is he NOT coming??? He's sending money for the party but not coming? He could have saved his money and gotten his ass on a plane and flew here if it that *that* important to him. I mean seriously!? And then to ask me if I know this is a family function? Uh.. yes I do. He wanted to know who was going to be there. Never once did I mention George's name. Not once. And then he tells me that it is forbidden that he sit with my family and I during mass. FORBIDDEN!!! It's a slap in God's face if I allow him to sit with me since we are not married. You know I am SOOOOOOOOO sick and tired of this asshole trying to rule my f'n life. I left him almost 7 years ago. Can someone please tell me what it is that he does NOT understand???? I have a life of my own and I am entitled to live it in any way I please. He cannot tell me how to live my life. Also, if it was *such* a slap in the face of God don't you think they would have told us such a thing already? That is is forbidden for unmarried people to sit together in church? He also told me that if he took his girlfriend (which I'm SURE he popped in the convo to try to get a reaction out of me, I honestly don't think he has one) she would not be allowed to sit with them. Uh huh riiiiiiiiiiight. When he and I started dating and I was still flying around (we weren't serious at all at this point) his son (who he was full custody of) had his First Communion. Do you honestly think that he would tell me that I could not sit with them in church???? No, I highly doubt that. Especially considering he has NO family in the US and his ex-wife really has nothing to do w/ their son as sad as that is. I tell you, he teaches me something new every day. I'd like to know when he decided to make up new rules for the church. I fucking hate that man. I honestly do. There's so much more to the story. After shit like that I wonder WHY I have never taken him to court to "up" his support. The sad thing is that I called him to explain to him what I told the people about the picture taking in church. I fought to be able to take pictures FOR HIM!!!!! And then out of no where he springs this shit on me? You know what? Fuck him. If he wants pictures he can wait unti the photographer posts them on the website. Fuck that. Ungreatful fuck.

Or how about the fact that he just decided to purchase the tickets on his own to fly her there and back this summer? Didnt' consult me at all. Now my NASCAR weekend is totally fucked bc of him. I've waited FOREVER to be able to go and now that's all screwed up and I can't. Then I'd asked him to fly her back to and airport near my Grandma. She isn't doing so hot either. But instead what does he do? Buys the tickets on his own days and flys her back into Chicago. WTF?! Ugh. So now I have an either 6 hour drive around Lake Michigan or I have to go back home and then the long way to see her. Honestly I wish he'd just be casterated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That man should NEVER be allowed to breed again. All he does is make women's life hell. I dont' know how they do things in South America but they dont' treat women like that here. Get a fucking card pal! Grrrrrrrrrrr.........

Girl Scouts-- I'm STILL delivering f'n cookies!!!!!! I've had them for TWO weeks now. Ugh.

I went out of town this past weekend for a bachelorette party. It was fun but she is so very conservative. The bar we'd gone to had 3 other bachelorettes there that night and had the 3 of them on the stage for a contest. They got points for every shirt and pants they got from the men in the bar. 1, 2, 3... GO! One poor bastard got caught in the middle of this shit. Poor guy was left with 2 socks and 1 shoe. There he is, naked as a Jay-bird holding his junk in his hands. Honestly he wasn't much to look at- in my eyes anyway, just not my type, but it takes some massive balls (no pun intended bc honestly I didn't get to see them) to let some chick do that to you in a bar. It was still fairly early, maybe midnight. OMFG. Every girl that had a camera in that bar was snapping pictures of this guys white ass and tattoo'd back. It was priceless. I'll post a picture later.

My Grandpa is not well. Granted that he will be 86 in July but he's always just been such a strong man. I hate the thought that this could be the beginning of the end. I realize that we all have to go at some point but it just sucks ass.

Alright time for me to go. I've been on this thing for far too long tonight.

Later hookers!

I've been Hoff'd

Sorry for that moment of weakness yesterday. When did I become all girly like that? I feel like I should go 4-wheeling in some mud now.

Uneventful day. We looked up old one hit wonder videos and just old video's in general today at work and laughed our asses off. Remember Gerardo- Rico Suave? Oh but the BEST one was this-- I just wasn't able to top it for DUMB ASS video of the day. Seriously, I realize the Hoff is big in other countries but this is sooooooo gay. There no way in hell this man can be proud of this.

"The" One

"There's no such thing as the perfect guy. I think it would be strange if somebody was absolutely everything you always wanted because then there would be no challenge"-Jessica Alba


What does it feel like to be "the" one? I have to admit I'm a bit emotional today for some reason. I'm really not sure why. Could be because my boyfriends friend and girlfriend that started dating right after George and I did are so sickly in love and I'm envious? She told me last night that they are planning on getting married next summer. He has admitted to George that she is "the" one. What does that feel like? What does it feel like to know that you make someones world go round and they want nothing more than to spend the rest of their life with you?

I was engaged once. To Bug's dad. We used to joke and look at rings. I found "the" perfect ring. It was *so* totally me. Somehow I knew that he'd purchased it. He came to see me in Chicago and I for some reason knew that he had it with him. I asked him to give it to me and he wouldn't. Have I ever told you how I was proposed to? After going out that night (after I'd asked him to give me the ring) we returned to our hotel-- The Travel Lodge near O'Hare. I got into bed and went to sleep. He woke me up around 2am, on the side of the bed and said "Will you marry me?" I opened my eyes and said "Fuck you". WHO proposes like that??? Granted that yes I accepted the ring. My daughter was conceived the next day. At least she wasn't' conceived in the freaking Travel Lodge. Classy. Really classy way to propose to someone. I should've known right then and there that it wasn't going to work.

It's funny when people ask you about your first true love, it's not him. It's the ex boyfriend. The one that I found after I moved back here. We were set up on a blind date. After three years of being on and off I think we both realized that it wasn't going to work. I basically gave him an ultimatum. In my eyes, after 3 years you either know or you don't. He didn't. I wasn't willing to wait anymore. We both needed to move on. And we have.

Now I have George. I met him so many years ago. I fell in love with him so many years ago. I have taken chances with this man that I've never before taken in my life. In my eyes HE is "the one" for me. I know this. However, he's broken. He's been there and done that and isn't looking to go back to that place anytime soon. He says that I have too many animals. I told him that's an excuse. You love someone unconditionally, not because of their animals, money, children etc. Love is without conditions. He is my "the" one. I know that with every single ounce of my being. I love him so much more then the ex. It's hard to explain.

We are perfectly unperfect together. We fit. I read that quote up above yesterday and really reflected on it. It's very true. We argue, we bicker but at the end of the day I'm still so madly in love with him.

I'm really sick of being the friend of the bride. The single one. The mom. The blunt one. The one with the dogs. The one who works "there". I'm me. I'm the one that's willing to take chances in my life. I always have. I just got done watching a movie, I think it was called "Cake" or something. It was on Lifetime and starred Heather Graham. I am her in so many ways. I've always done my thing. Maybe I've been afraid of commitment and just didn't know it. Or maybe I mask my WANT for commitment by pretending that I don't want it? I don't know. With George I stopped telling him I wanted to marry him. I stopped telling him that he was the one. All because he didn't want to hear it... Why should I have to do that? Why would I hide my feelings for him because he wants me to? Why does he want me to? Is he afraid because he jumped in blindly last time with both feet? Why doesn't he love me like that? Why is it that I cannot have that fairy tale? Was it not meant for me?

This is so dumb. I'm sorry for my babbling.

Friends in need

So a good friend of mine as well as my co-worker has been sick for some time now. They finally ran a bunch of tests on him and came back that he was anemic. Wow. I never new anemia could make you feel so run down and give you so many issues. He explained that there are different types. Now that they knew what he was suffering from they had to go to the next step and figure that out.

So a couple Friday's ago, when we were supposed to get the "Monster storm" he gets a call AT WORK from the Dr's office telling him bc of the weather not to drive the hour to get there but that they had his results.... He has leukemia. Yes they told him this while he was at work. Granted they were calling for 18-24 inches of snow and with news like that I can see how driving would be more of a hazard than finding out you have a potentially life threatening illness while at work. I don't recall seeing him much that day so he must've left. I sure would have. They had to let him know that day bc they were making arrangements for him to go to a large hospital many hours from here.

I think I blogged about this already. Either that or I'm having deja vu'.

So he went to the big hospital and they ran more tests. We were under the impression that he would have chemo and wait to see if he needed a bone marrow transplant. Well, the chemo didn't happen. He needs bone marrow. His brother was tested today and there is only a 25% chance that he will match. Only 25%. Can you imagine!? If his brother doesn't match then they got to the registry to look for a match. He has a sister but they have different dad's and insurnace will only test someone if they are 100% full sibling or something to that effect. So anyway, I called my Dr's office today since I have an order to get a cholesterol test done I wanted to know if they could check my bone marrow to see if I would be a match for him. I didn't necissarily want to be on the donor registry. Just wanted to be checked for my friend. Then I got to thinking... How totally and completely selfish is that of me? What about all of the other people out there in my same situation that have a friend that is sick and in need? What if it was Bug? Or someone else's child? What if I KNEW that I could help someone and instead I let them suffer nad die? How completely cruel and heartless of me?! I already know that I have a rare blood type. I know that there is a shortage on my blood yet I went to donate once and they turned me away bc they said my heart skipped. I've since had that checked out and I'm ok so what is stopping me? My Grandpa used to give blood all the time. Why didn't I learn from him? Is it because I'm afraid of needles? That's selfish. If I can have a child and get poked and prodded every month for almost 10 months, recover from a c-section and get a tattoo---but not give blood to someone that may need it.. that's selfish. Hell I probably get rid of more in a month then they would take out of me anyway. (Ya ew gross I know. Grow up you sissy's.) So anyway, my point is that I'm selfish. I'm in a situation that I could potentially help people and I'm not. Yes I have an organ donation card filled out on my drivers license in case I die, however what is that going to hurt me right? I'll be dead. On top of that I choose not to donate my eyeballs or skin or bone or whatever for what reason? Because I'll need those things when I'm dead? So instead I give my heart and internal organs... What about the burn victim's that need new skin? What about someone who has lost their sight and could be given the gift of sight from me? All they're going to do is sew my eyelids shut anyway. What do I need my eyeballs for?

Yes I realize this post is morbid, but after having my friend go through this, it really puts things into perspective for me. What if it was me in that situation? What if *I* had a family to support and couldn't? What if I was faced with the possiblity of death? It must suck.

So I called the Dr's office and the Dr didn't know much. So I called a friend of mine that used to wrk in the lab (and still does on occasion) and is also on the board at the hospital here in town and asked him what I'd have to do. He has a meeting with someone who deals with bone marrow donation etc tonight and will call me tomorrow.

I may have my chlosteral test tomorrow, donate blood and register for bone marrow in the morning.

We are having a fundraiser for him and his family on the 9th. I think it will be a dinner and dance. There is a meeting tomorrow at 530p that I will be going to. His wife cried when she was told about the fundraiser. Yes they have insurance as well as AFLAC, however the hospital that he will be going to is 9 hours away. They have lost wages etc. They also have a daughter that has quite a few health issues on top of what they're dealing with.

After watching Oprah's Big Give, seeing what these people can do for others with little or no money... I could save a life.... the best gift that a person can give. The best gift that we all can give. So next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to think about it and rememeber that I could be so much worse off in my life. Things could be so bad for me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself becuase I dont have any extra money to buy new summer clothes or whatever, I'm going to be thankful for my health and the things that I do have and have worked so hard fo. For you never know when those things can be taken away from you. Everything in life is material.

What's even worse and this may be me being well, me. Thinking and over analizing but it's a fact. We had a gentleman that worked for us years ago. He was with the company for so many years. I wrote about him on my other blog for those of you who were there. He was wonderful. Had such a caring family. Wife, 2 boys and a girl. His wife was diagnosed with leukemia and it eventually took her life. A few years later, he remarried, only to be going through a divorce a short time later ( a year or two maybe)... he went on vacation to TX with some friends. One of which owned a small plane. It crashed and the three friends parished in it. They could only identify my friend bc he had a hip replacement. He left behind a son that was maybe 24 or 25, a daughter that was just starting out in college and a son who wasnt' quite yet 16. They were orphans. Sad. Very very sad. So things in our lives could be so much worse.... Oh the moral of that story, when co-worker parished in the plane crash they had to move people around in the company and hire new people. My friend that is sick w/ leukemia right now, now sits at his desk. I told some co-workers the other day that I feel the desk needs to be burned. Yes, over analyzing and looking into it more than I should. I'm being superstitious.

It just sucks. The entire situation sucks. He is only like 38 or 39 years old. Has a 15 year old and a 8 year old at home. How can I be greedy and selfish and NOT help a family like that???? Maybe I wouldn't be able to help him, but to know that I could have maybe saved a life and didn't!?

Selfish. We are all selfish in one way or another. My Grandma used to say... "No one is perfect. There was only one perfect person in history and they crusified him". How true.